If You Build It, They Will Come.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

It looks like a few of my posts have been deleted for some reason. I know I had a song that was stuck in my head posted up here. Maybe I'm just not writing as much as I used to.

I still have writers block. Actually I'm sure that's not true. I just haven't tried to write anything in the last few months. I'm doing my best to hold on to the writer/director side of me right now, but just as I thought I would, I'm looking at myself as an employee of Solectron working at a Verizon Wireless. I knew it would happen. I'm trying to balance it all out, but after a long day of dealing with stupid people who can't fathom driving from here to grandmothers cottage without their cell phone (just like we all used to 5-7 years ago), I just feel like turning off when I get home to my little crammed bedroom.

I was really good at this out in Los Angeles, which seems like a whole other lifetime now. I was good at it because it was all I had to worry about. I could focus on it. Now I'm focused on why certain types of MP3's won't show up on the transflash card to a Samsung a950.

This isn't a pity me post. Everybody has their other things to worry about while they pursue what it is they want. I just hate the feeling I'm getting that cell phones are all I think about anymore. I'm back in Kalamazoo, it feels like I never left. Like I never stepped out to pursue this dream of mine. People ask what I do, I tell them I fix cell phones. This is supposed to be a steady job so I can make some money to pay off the debts I incurred while in Los Angeles, and to keep my head above water. Instead, it's taken over. Now when I think about shooting a movie, I wonder what the point is, because I'm sure I'll have to work that day.

The point is I'm losing site of my goals. I'm forgetting who I am. I'm settling into this miserable life I never wanted. I just don't know what else to do.


Life isn't all miserable. In fact certain aspects of it are the best that they've ever been.

I haven't said this yet on here, but hell, everyone who reads this already knows. I'm very in love. I've got a girlfriend now. A beautiful, wonderful, sweet, smart woman named Erin. A girl I met in high school, my best friend for ten years, a girl I've been in love with for quite a while, and that I'm still very much in love with today. I don't want to be quiet about it anymore, I want to tell everyone. So I guess now it's officially out of the bag. I am completely in love with Erin.

Secret over. :)

That feels really good. Really really good.

I love you Schmoo. Very much. You're my best friend soulmate.



It's now 10:55am. I have to be at work in a half hour.

-j

4 Comments:

  • What exactly are your qualifications in the entertainment industry?

    By Blogger Forty_Two, at Mon Mar 06, 11:00:00 AM EST  

  • I'm a graduate of the New York Film Academy in Los Angeles - One Year Directing for Film Program. I've worked crew on upwards of forty short films, and since 2003, I've written, directed, produced, and edited ten short films and one feature film of my own.

    By Blogger Joseph, at Mon Mar 06, 11:08:00 AM EST  

  • The link on the right side of the page to "The Coughing Dog Pictures" has some of the stuff I've done. A site I apparently haven't even touched since september.

    By Blogger Joseph, at Mon Mar 06, 11:09:00 AM EST  

  • I am glad that we can finally share our great news with everyone. I love you too.

    By Blogger -me:), at Mon Mar 06, 01:16:00 PM EST  

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