Another thing then it's off to bed.
Let me tell you why I have started to hate movie theaters. Not because of the establishments themselves, apart from how overpriced everything is, they're cool. No, I hate the theaters because of all the seats they have within them. Because inevitably other people, besides myself and my friends, end up sitting in those seats. So I guess it's not movie theaters I hate, it's other people. Yes, that's it. I hate people.
Today I decided to go to the movies. I felt stressed out, and it was something I hadn't done in a while. So I arrive at the UA in Portage at around 4:45, without doing any prior research into showtimes. As it had turned out, everything was already starting except for Scary Movie 3. So I decided I wasn't in the mood for anything serious anyway, I might as well go see that. At 5:25. So I get my ticket, and I sit in the lobby until the theater was seating, and I went inside. No one else there, I grabbed the prime spot in the center of the theater, and relaxed. The twenty minutes of commercials started up, during which two college guys came in and took seats in the back left of the theater. Not two minutes later, the two fourteen year old girls walk in and sit directly behind me. Out of any available seat in the theater, save the three that were occupied, they take the ones behind me. And they started talking. The one girl, we'll call her Janet, was apparently part of the Scary Movie 3 fanclub, as it became obvious she had seen this movie on more than one occasion already. The second girl, we'll call her Olga, was apparently a foreign exchange student, as she had no idea about any of the pop culture references this movie made. I know this, because Janet explained every joke to her, loudly.
"See that, that was from the movie 'The Ring' where there is this videotape that if you watch it, you get a call... see she's getting the call now, that you die in seven days. Did you ever see that movie? I saw it once it was really scary, you should watch it. My brother has it. Maybe you can come over this weekend and we'll watch it."
The worst part was, as this was evidently her third or more viewing of this film, she'd often explain the jokes, loudly again, about thirty seconds before they happened.
"Ok, see this part, this part in like a second he's gonna go in and take off the shawl this girl has on and it's going to be Michael Jackson, it's really funny. It's from that movie "The Others." Did you see that? I only heard about it, but I heard it was pretty good. Do you like Nicole Kidman? Did you ever see Moulin Rouge? That was good too."
And then they were bleching, loudly again, and laughing like they were frat guys with little annoying giggly laughs. I could have said something, I could have told them to shut up. But I didn't for two reasons. 1.) Starting a fight with two fourteen year old obnoxious fat girls is not a fight I can win, because they play with a level of immaturity I am not prepared to sink to, and 2.) About two minutes into Scary Movie 3, I remembered that I absolutely hated the first two films, and this wasn't shaping up to ba any better. The jokes were even more retarded and gratuitatous than in the previous films. I had heard that Shawn and Marlon Wayans didn't do this movie, and so if it ever had a glimmer of hope in my mind, that was it. But no folks, Scary Movie 3 borders on the most terrible pile of crap with which man has ever bore witness.
Two minutes in I was read to leave. The movie starts out with Jenny McCarthy and Pamela Anderson sitting on a bed together wearing tight tanks tops, and I was ready to leave. Do you know how bad a movie has to be to start out with a scantily clad Jenny McCarthy and Pam Anderson and have a young 23 year old man in the audience who hasn't had a girlfriend in almost two years, who spent $5.50 on a ticket which is an hours wage at his current job think to himself, "Man, this sucks, I should get up and leave."
But I stayed. I stayed through the annoying girls and the even more annoying movie, again, for two reasons. 1.) I think that Anna Faris is really attractive, and 2.) Leslie Nielsen is in the movie, (unfortunately at the very end) and Leslie Nielsen can be quite funny. Sadly, he can also be very not funny (see: "Spy Hard", or "Dracula: Dead and Loving It".... or of course "Scary Movie 3"). All the jokes sucked, including the Matrix: Reloaded spoof featuring the room with all the TVs and George Carlin playing the Architect, that had seemingly already been done, much better I might add, by MTV. There was one joke in the entire movie, and only one, that I found at all funny, and even managed to make me laugh a little bit. And fortunately was not blown by Janet behind me, because it was a reference to a movie that was before her time. The two main good guys square off against the main bad guy, the girl from "The Ring" and Leslie Nielsen who plays the president opens the door and says, "I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you." There it is folks. I've ruined the only good joke in this waste of film. Trust me, spare yourself the pain and discomfort and spend the hour and a half getting a proctology exam.
Did I mention that I was one of five people in the theater?
And also, when I looked up Anna Faris on IMDb, I noticed that they're already making Scary Movie 4, and are apparently greenlighted to make Scary Movie 5.
The comet is coming, people. Don't say you weren't warned.
Let me tell you why I have started to hate movie theaters. Not because of the establishments themselves, apart from how overpriced everything is, they're cool. No, I hate the theaters because of all the seats they have within them. Because inevitably other people, besides myself and my friends, end up sitting in those seats. So I guess it's not movie theaters I hate, it's other people. Yes, that's it. I hate people.
Today I decided to go to the movies. I felt stressed out, and it was something I hadn't done in a while. So I arrive at the UA in Portage at around 4:45, without doing any prior research into showtimes. As it had turned out, everything was already starting except for Scary Movie 3. So I decided I wasn't in the mood for anything serious anyway, I might as well go see that. At 5:25. So I get my ticket, and I sit in the lobby until the theater was seating, and I went inside. No one else there, I grabbed the prime spot in the center of the theater, and relaxed. The twenty minutes of commercials started up, during which two college guys came in and took seats in the back left of the theater. Not two minutes later, the two fourteen year old girls walk in and sit directly behind me. Out of any available seat in the theater, save the three that were occupied, they take the ones behind me. And they started talking. The one girl, we'll call her Janet, was apparently part of the Scary Movie 3 fanclub, as it became obvious she had seen this movie on more than one occasion already. The second girl, we'll call her Olga, was apparently a foreign exchange student, as she had no idea about any of the pop culture references this movie made. I know this, because Janet explained every joke to her, loudly.
"See that, that was from the movie 'The Ring' where there is this videotape that if you watch it, you get a call... see she's getting the call now, that you die in seven days. Did you ever see that movie? I saw it once it was really scary, you should watch it. My brother has it. Maybe you can come over this weekend and we'll watch it."
The worst part was, as this was evidently her third or more viewing of this film, she'd often explain the jokes, loudly again, about thirty seconds before they happened.
"Ok, see this part, this part in like a second he's gonna go in and take off the shawl this girl has on and it's going to be Michael Jackson, it's really funny. It's from that movie "The Others." Did you see that? I only heard about it, but I heard it was pretty good. Do you like Nicole Kidman? Did you ever see Moulin Rouge? That was good too."
And then they were bleching, loudly again, and laughing like they were frat guys with little annoying giggly laughs. I could have said something, I could have told them to shut up. But I didn't for two reasons. 1.) Starting a fight with two fourteen year old obnoxious fat girls is not a fight I can win, because they play with a level of immaturity I am not prepared to sink to, and 2.) About two minutes into Scary Movie 3, I remembered that I absolutely hated the first two films, and this wasn't shaping up to ba any better. The jokes were even more retarded and gratuitatous than in the previous films. I had heard that Shawn and Marlon Wayans didn't do this movie, and so if it ever had a glimmer of hope in my mind, that was it. But no folks, Scary Movie 3 borders on the most terrible pile of crap with which man has ever bore witness.
Two minutes in I was read to leave. The movie starts out with Jenny McCarthy and Pamela Anderson sitting on a bed together wearing tight tanks tops, and I was ready to leave. Do you know how bad a movie has to be to start out with a scantily clad Jenny McCarthy and Pam Anderson and have a young 23 year old man in the audience who hasn't had a girlfriend in almost two years, who spent $5.50 on a ticket which is an hours wage at his current job think to himself, "Man, this sucks, I should get up and leave."
But I stayed. I stayed through the annoying girls and the even more annoying movie, again, for two reasons. 1.) I think that Anna Faris is really attractive, and 2.) Leslie Nielsen is in the movie, (unfortunately at the very end) and Leslie Nielsen can be quite funny. Sadly, he can also be very not funny (see: "Spy Hard", or "Dracula: Dead and Loving It".... or of course "Scary Movie 3"). All the jokes sucked, including the Matrix: Reloaded spoof featuring the room with all the TVs and George Carlin playing the Architect, that had seemingly already been done, much better I might add, by MTV. There was one joke in the entire movie, and only one, that I found at all funny, and even managed to make me laugh a little bit. And fortunately was not blown by Janet behind me, because it was a reference to a movie that was before her time. The two main good guys square off against the main bad guy, the girl from "The Ring" and Leslie Nielsen who plays the president opens the door and says, "I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you." There it is folks. I've ruined the only good joke in this waste of film. Trust me, spare yourself the pain and discomfort and spend the hour and a half getting a proctology exam.
Did I mention that I was one of five people in the theater?
And also, when I looked up Anna Faris on IMDb, I noticed that they're already making Scary Movie 4, and are apparently greenlighted to make Scary Movie 5.
The comet is coming, people. Don't say you weren't warned.
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