its 4am again. i can't sleep anymore. then when i do sleep i sleep for too long. i think im going to set my alarm and try to get back on schedule.

i said yes. who knows what i have in store.

i realized something today. something good. i'm still alive. i never thought i was dead, i've not come close to death recently. it's not another blind optimism thing. i just had this feeling today. i remembered something today. i remembered how it felt to feel alive. to fit. to have a small smile and really mean it. something happened today. something i'll soon forget i'm sure. for a small second i felt hopeful again. that maybe it wasn't all so bad. and it was because of something so small and so insignificant, but something i had long forgotten.

i have to go to bed. i have to get back on schedule.