If You Build It, They Will Come.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Well, that was stupid. My 8am phone call didn't even really matter.

Ya know, people fascinate me. I don't buy into stereotypes describing people I don't know, but it's always funny when you find someone who you thought might fit into that group or this group, and it turns out they do. Like it's always funny when you meet the boneheaded jock named Dirk, or the spiteful full of herself art student who writes bad poetry and feels that prejudice is awful, but automatically hates jocks named Dirk. Or the flamingly gay gay man. Or the NASCAR, monster truck, Jerry Springer, confederate flag waving, mullet wearing southerner. Or like the dark rim glasses wearing, spiky haired, latte sipping, "you just don't understand my vision" emo looking, sweater wearing film student.

Just a thought.

I need to do something productive this weekend, or I'm just going to wither and die in a steaming heap of futility. I'll figure something out.

Until then, I bid you peace.

I watched Bush speak at the RNC last night. It was a pretty good speech. Even all the commentators thought so. Then all the cable news channels went absolutely ape-shit. Afterwards they had Hardball with Chris Matthews. On his show were a panel of experts and... I'm not kidding... Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, who owned the comment of the night, when he said "Why do republicans have such a problem with gays when most of them have poles up their asses?" Larry King had Mo Rocca, who didn't take any of his commentary seriously. He kept lining up these awesome camera angles when they cut to him on the floor. Larry would be like, "Mo, wha do you think?" Cut to the camera sitting on the floor amidst balloons and Mo standing on some stairs literally thirty feet away. At any rate, at midnight eastern, John Kerry gave his rebuttal to the speech and to all of the crap the republicans have been throwing his way. He came back with his usual "I was in Vietnam" thing which is getting pretty old. I mean yeah, it's pretty awesome that Kerry voluenteered for service, and it's chicken shit to skip out on the war like Bush and Cheney did, but honestly I didn't care when Clinton dodged the Vietnam war, I don't care that Bush and Cheney did too. I'll tell you though out of the whole night who relly impressed me, Gideon Yago. The MTV corespondant. The kid looks to be about 25, and he really really knew his stuff. He outdid the other corespondents easily.

Let me explain something. I said Bush's speech was good. It was. I don't believe a word of it, but it was good. Let me tell you why I don't believe a word of it, besides the fact that the Bush administration is the shadiest presidency ever. And I think this is why people don't care. It's always the same thing. Always. The politicians do not respect the American people enough to talk to them on any other level than patronizing. That's fine for a lot of people, but anyone who HAS higher brain functions realizes that they say the samecrap every four years. "I'm going to lower taxes, reform health care, boost the economy, lower poverty, help education, stop AIDS, put more people to work, get American jobs back, make the country safer, give us back our national pride, free ice cream on saturdays, every little girl gets a pony, lower movie ticket prices, no more drugs, unless you like drugs, in which case, more drugs, everyone makes more money, a new car and a new house for everyone, equality now, every baby gets a free crib, no more scariness, from now on all happiness... etc etc." Then they get into office and don't do any of it. We don't buy it anymore. There are keywords and phrases that make people feel good. The more of them you say, the better your poll rating is. The truth is that the more of these phrases you say, the more people forget about the bad phrases your opponent is saying about you. "He voted for higher taxes, for less money for soldiers, for killing every third child a family has, for HMO's, for gay marriage, unless you're gay, then against gay marriage, he voted for slavery, he was a british soldier in the revolutionary war, he doesn't wear boxers OR briefs, he smoked pot, and even though I had a cocaine habit, he LIED about inhaling marijuana." This is stupid.

Here's what they should do. Every four years, we have a reality TV show called "Who Wants to be President?" You get all of the democratic hopefuls and all of the republican hopefuls and all the independants and you throw them in a house. Then, you toss wacky situations at them, like move in the gay neighbors, or the athiest maid. And when they get in fights, see who resolves the fights peacefully, and who decides to resort to violence. Toss in drugs and hookers and see who takes the bait. Then every week, America phones in and votes off one candidate. I mean come on, the number of people who voted for American Idol was staggering. This would get young people to vote, it would let us see the candidates handle situations instead of just telling us what they would do, it would level the playing field so that people with lots of money can't out-campaign people without lots of money, and it would be pretty damn entertaining.

Again, just a thought.

Plus, George, if you wanted to actually do any of that crap you talked about last night, you've had four years. And all you've done is scare the bejesus out of us, wage war on nonthreatening nations, and destroy the economy.



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