Brace yourselves, I've posted again.
I have this other friend named Jen. She is the roommate of my crack whore girlfriend, and is now an official crack whore herself. These are terms of endearment though. Anyway, she wrote something recently on her blog about a relationship where the love is unbalanced.
She said, "My great-grandma once told me that in any relationship one person is going to love the other more, don't let it be you. I didn't have a clue what she was talking about then but I get it now. I heeded her advice, I'm in a relationship where although I love the guy with all of my heart and would do anything for him, I think he loves me more. I think this is worse then being on the other side of the stick, I would rather love him more because then I would know I was not hurting him."
If your quote from your grandmother is taken correctly, she's telling you not to be the one to love him more. And I have to tell you I agree with her totally. An unbalanced relationship is hard, either way, but it's MUCH harder when you feel more strongly than the other person. It's a noble thing, what you said, Jen. That you want to know you aren't hurting him. But I gotta say, if that thought passes through your mind, then you are really well off. If you are worried about him and how he feels, then it's alright, you more than likely aren't hurting him. What your grandmother was probably saying, because I've gone through this a few times, is that it is hell to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back. I can verify. It is.
But you are concerned. You care. You said you love him too. So you aren't stupid, you aren't messing up.
But now onto something else. I've decided to change the opera thing. I couldn't decide on how I wanted it to end, so I'm making a second version. The first I'll call the Lover Version. This is the one below. The second I'm calling the Stalker Version. This one is so much more dark. It starts off the same, except "Doubt" is moved into the first act. The song for "Heartbreak is changed to a more desperate song and begins the second act. Also "Insanity" is only in the Stalker Version, and the song is replaced in the lover version by "Dementia" which is a lighter song, but still has Pit killing Maru. For the Stalker Version, the songs for "Lucidity" and "Lament" are replaced with new songs called "Blame" and "Explanation."
In this version, Pit and Maru break up at the beginning of the first act. The second act is to take place three years later. Pit is still heartbroken and depressed about Maru. Pit in this version is basically insane from the beginning. The Stalker Version is more like inside the head of a lunatic. Pit has all these fantasies about Maru, even though he hasn't seen her in three years. He finds out where she lives and drives by a lot. She never notices him. He breaks into her apartment while she's gone (to "Obsession"). Then one day she sees him on the street somewhere. She comes up and says hello. They talk for less than a minute, and all his feelings rush back. Talking to her brings everything back and he just kind of loses it from there on. She has a different boyfriend, and Pit is convinced that Maru is supposed to be his. The song for "Rage" isn't an argument between them now, its Pit sitting in his car outside looking up at her window while her and her new guy are together. Then comes "Insanity," he waits until the new guy leaves and bursts in on her, kidnapps her, and kills her. He really feels numb to what he's done. He believes that all the pain he's felt for three years was her fault. ("Blame"). The story ends with a song from Pit to the audience or listeners, trying to justify how he feels. Telling us that we don't know how he's felt, we can't understand. He knows he's done what we think is an awful thing, but he doesn't care. He blames her. She deserved it.
Much darker. And maybe I think I like it better that way. But, I'm going to keep the Lover Version too. The one where he feels awful and horrible for what he's done. I like the idea of him being temporarily insane in a fit of rage and suddenly coming to his senses, realizing what he's done. I also like the idea of him being permanently insane and feeling justified in something that has no justification. I couldn't make up my mind. So I'll do them both.
Yo, diggety.
I have this other friend named Jen. She is the roommate of my crack whore girlfriend, and is now an official crack whore herself. These are terms of endearment though. Anyway, she wrote something recently on her blog about a relationship where the love is unbalanced.
She said, "My great-grandma once told me that in any relationship one person is going to love the other more, don't let it be you. I didn't have a clue what she was talking about then but I get it now. I heeded her advice, I'm in a relationship where although I love the guy with all of my heart and would do anything for him, I think he loves me more. I think this is worse then being on the other side of the stick, I would rather love him more because then I would know I was not hurting him."
If your quote from your grandmother is taken correctly, she's telling you not to be the one to love him more. And I have to tell you I agree with her totally. An unbalanced relationship is hard, either way, but it's MUCH harder when you feel more strongly than the other person. It's a noble thing, what you said, Jen. That you want to know you aren't hurting him. But I gotta say, if that thought passes through your mind, then you are really well off. If you are worried about him and how he feels, then it's alright, you more than likely aren't hurting him. What your grandmother was probably saying, because I've gone through this a few times, is that it is hell to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back. I can verify. It is.
But you are concerned. You care. You said you love him too. So you aren't stupid, you aren't messing up.
But now onto something else. I've decided to change the opera thing. I couldn't decide on how I wanted it to end, so I'm making a second version. The first I'll call the Lover Version. This is the one below. The second I'm calling the Stalker Version. This one is so much more dark. It starts off the same, except "Doubt" is moved into the first act. The song for "Heartbreak is changed to a more desperate song and begins the second act. Also "Insanity" is only in the Stalker Version, and the song is replaced in the lover version by "Dementia" which is a lighter song, but still has Pit killing Maru. For the Stalker Version, the songs for "Lucidity" and "Lament" are replaced with new songs called "Blame" and "Explanation."
In this version, Pit and Maru break up at the beginning of the first act. The second act is to take place three years later. Pit is still heartbroken and depressed about Maru. Pit in this version is basically insane from the beginning. The Stalker Version is more like inside the head of a lunatic. Pit has all these fantasies about Maru, even though he hasn't seen her in three years. He finds out where she lives and drives by a lot. She never notices him. He breaks into her apartment while she's gone (to "Obsession"). Then one day she sees him on the street somewhere. She comes up and says hello. They talk for less than a minute, and all his feelings rush back. Talking to her brings everything back and he just kind of loses it from there on. She has a different boyfriend, and Pit is convinced that Maru is supposed to be his. The song for "Rage" isn't an argument between them now, its Pit sitting in his car outside looking up at her window while her and her new guy are together. Then comes "Insanity," he waits until the new guy leaves and bursts in on her, kidnapps her, and kills her. He really feels numb to what he's done. He believes that all the pain he's felt for three years was her fault. ("Blame"). The story ends with a song from Pit to the audience or listeners, trying to justify how he feels. Telling us that we don't know how he's felt, we can't understand. He knows he's done what we think is an awful thing, but he doesn't care. He blames her. She deserved it.
Much darker. And maybe I think I like it better that way. But, I'm going to keep the Lover Version too. The one where he feels awful and horrible for what he's done. I like the idea of him being temporarily insane in a fit of rage and suddenly coming to his senses, realizing what he's done. I also like the idea of him being permanently insane and feeling justified in something that has no justification. I couldn't make up my mind. So I'll do them both.
Yo, diggety.
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