If You Build It, They Will Come.

Monday, April 08, 2002

Don't Sweat It....

Today is the gloomiest day I've seen in quite some time. But I had to sit down and write today. I feel like I forget things. Not like I need a grocery list or anything, I forget emotions. I forget the way I used to feel. I remember the bad stuff and forget the good stuff, or I remember the good stuff and forget the bad stuff. Either way it's not good. Sometimes I feel like no one has ever liked me, because nobody likes me now. Sometimes I remember being happy, but forget all the crap that came with it. Today something hit me as I looked into the mirror, and I really don't want to forget it, so I want to write it here. I am seeing clearly, Future Joseph, so don't re-read this thinking, "What a dumbass I used to be." I am not ignoring anything. I am not just forcing this. For some reason or another, I cannot stop smiling today. I realized something. I am nowhere near as bad as I always think I am. Re-read that, Future Joseph. I, Joseph Parcell, being of sound mind and body, have today realized that I'm pretty damn cool. I'm no Fonz, but who is? I can run with the big dogs. I can do what I want. There is nothing, nor has there ever been anything holding me back from total happiness but myself. Now I've had some shitty things happen in my life. Things that bummed me out for way longer than they should've. That has all stopped today. Today, I feel the best I've felt in a long time. You know how everyone tells you when you're hurt by someone else, "You don't need others to be happy." It's true. It's very true. Today I am happy. And I'm sitting alone on a rainy monday in a messy apartment.

Let me tell you a discovery I've made. This is for Future Joseph, in case his dumbass forgets it, or actually for anyone out there who may need to hear it. One man in particular I am thinking of. When you meet someone for the first time, they don't just see your face, or your shirt, they can see you. And only you can define what that is. If you're cute it doesn't hurt, but if you're not it isn't damning. To go back to the Five and Under theories, if you think you're a 2, she'll see it and think you're a 2 as well. If you think you're a 7, she'll see it and think you're a 7 too. If you think you're a 10, you better damn well a 10 or she'll see it and think you're a dick.

See I used to think that this meant lying to yourself. As in "Well, I'm not that attractive, but if I pretend to be once, maybe she'll fall for it, and then I can believe that I really might be attractive... or she's stoned." No, no, no. An epiphany today. You don't have to lie to yourself. You just have to believe it. If you believe it, it's not a lie. Someone can be hot and alone because they are an asshole. Someone else can be average, but the life of the party because they are fun. Beauty fades, personality doesn't.

"So," says Future Joe, and anyone else reading, "That's all well and good. I realize that, but girls don't." Future Joey, Other Guy... that is so bullshit. People are not nearly as judgemental as you think they are. Not even close. But you two blow it before you even start. You look at the hot girl and say, "She's so cute, I don't stand a chance. God, I'd go over there, and she'd totally blow me off. Why are girls like that, they never realize that nice guys aren't always the hot guys. It's not fair. I hate feeling like this, I hate seeing these girls with their jerk boyfriends because they won't even look at a guy like me." How many millions of times has that thought gone through your head? Now of those times when it went through your head, how many times did you actually get up out of the chair and try to talk to her to see if you were right? Once? Twice? You're so sure you'll fail that you never even try. I think it was Michael Jordan who said "You miss one hundred percent of the shots you never take." Future Joe, Other Guy, get up and try it. You are not nearly as bad as you guys make yourselves out to be. If you try and miss, at least you tried, instead of sitting there pissing and moaning, thinking that you don't have a snowballs chance in hell of ever being happy.

Now, both of you have had your share of crap. You've both had your times when the first and last kiss happen on the same night, and then the next day it's like "Can we just forget this ever happened?" That hurts, I know. Believe me, I know. It's happened to me, Present Joseph, too. But it doesn't bother me today. Because what is the point in holding on to it? What, just to make yourself upset? To make you feel like it's not your fault? To act as proof that you're a loser and no one really want's to be with you, so why try? To make you feel justified in pouting? No. Horseshit. Let it go. It doesn't prove anything, except that maybe the other person had second thoughts. Remember that they are "second" thoughts. Remember what the first thoughts were, and there goes your proof right there. So yeah, it sucks, but don't dwell on it, or it will poison you and your character. You'll let it consume you and make yourself think false thoughts that you're some kind of loser, and then you'll end up all sad and insecure and worried that you can't talk to girls that are at all attractive. So drop that crap, and realize the truth. You are both kick ass guys. Just because nobody else realizes it at the moment doesn't mean it's not true, it just means that perhaps, you guys need to let more people know.

Also remember that you're in your early 20's. You can take that as bad because it means you have to wait, which is what you usually do. But instead, today, take it like this. How do you feel when you see a 16 year old girl complain that she has never found true love, and how her whole life is crap because of it. Yeah, that's you. Just give it time. Does that mean you'll have to wait? Yes it does. But guess what. You can spend that time complaining that you aren't there yet, or you can enjoy the ride.

But, Christ, cheer up, both of you. The only guy who has ever gotten chicks by being sad is Adam Duritz, and that still baffles me. Just relax. There have been happy times, they're just hard to remember when you want to be sad. Don't be so caustic, cut yourself some slack. You both are good guys. Here's a little proof of how easy it really is, as opposed to how hard you and I make it out to be.

The other day Jonny and I were talking about girls at the OP and it blew up into a huge conversation about who had it easier talking to members of the opposite sex. Now I realize it's a conversation starter when you're cute, and most gilrs are. But cute gets your foot in the door. After that, you better have something to say. Anyways, that day I walked over to the cute girl at the table hoping to get shot down so I could show the girls how "bad" we have it. But here's the reveal of the big secret. I cheated. I walked over to her and started talking to Polka Chris who was sitting next to her, which got my foot in the door. She so would've talked to me. I however didn't want to lose this little bet, so I said to her, "Can you do me a favor?" To which she said yes. I said, "I've got a little bet going with my friends, so can you just kind of blow me off?" She laughed. I got her to laugh, Jesus, I was so in. Smiling at me she said sure, and turned away and cuddled up to her friend, Rob, who I knew through BA. The girl I had honestly never met, but I really could've talked to her if I kept going and wasn't so eager to prove a point that I really believed at the time but now realize to be completely false. So here it is. I'm admitting it. I lied. Jen, Jack, Laura, you guys were right. Although you may have a bit of an edge in that traditionally it's us who has to make the first move so when you do it, it's much more meaningful. For the most part it's just as easy for us to talk to you as it is for you to talk to us. Not as hard, as easy. We look at you and think, it's so easy for you to talk to us, but it's just as easy for us. You just have to do it. You just have to show a bit of confidence, don't come off like you're trying to dive straight into their pants, (as much as guys will say this is the ultimate conversation starter, it isn't. If a girl offers me sex in the first five minutes of our first conversation, it's quite frightening.) Just get game. That's all it takes. Don't be so damn nervous and don't doom yourself to failure before you even start. If you don't think you're cool enough to talk to her, why would she think you are?

So Future Joey, Other Guy... Shit happens. It happens to everyone. How you take it is a true testiment to your character. Do you lie there when you fall, or do you get up and brush yourself off, take enough time to bandage your scraped knee, and then keep going? Most importantly, try to remember. If you fail once, you're not a failure, unless you never try again. You're only a failure if you fail on your last attempt. So if you fail, make sure it's not your last attempt. It's as simple as that. And again, cheer up. No one falls in love with a pouter, unless, again, that pouter is Adam Duritz. Be happy, because you've been happy before, no matter how much you don't want to remember it.

Anything can happen today. Everytime something wonderful happens, you remember that you woke up that morning thinking it was just going to be another day. All the best days of your life, you never really expected. That's part of what made them so damn cool. Anyday could be another one of those days. So don't wake up all pissy, thinking that life is terrible because you've got nothing to do, or you've got too much to do, or you woke up with your arm around a pillow instead of a girl that you're totally crazy about. You never know what today brings. Today could be the best day of your life, but only if you let it be. So smile. It all starts there.


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