If You Build It, They Will Come.

Wednesday, April 10, 2002

Happy Birthday, although you'll never read this. For some reason I don't think I'll ever forget that today is your day. I'm sure it will never matter. It doesn't really matter now. I just thought I'd say something. I wonder how you're doing. I wonder what you're doing. Hell right now, I wonder if you're still alive. No exaggeration, you could be dead and I wouldn't know. I haven't seen you in years. Haven't heard from you in years. Sometimes I still think about it, about you. Never like I used to. I can't believe how I used to think about you. Well, no, I believe it, I just can't believe how long it lasted. Oh well. It's over now. You meant everything to me, I couldn't imagine living like I am now. I couldn't imagine not having you here. But you know what, you were really never there were you? So I guess I couldn't imagine going through life living how I was living. I was sure you'd come around. I was sure that today I'd be celebrating with you. But for whatever reason, it never happened. For whatever reason you took me for granted, and you figured that I'd always come back. You thought you could kick me around like a dog, and I'd still always come back for more. And for the most part you were right, until I found out how much easier it was to just forget you. I always thought it was my fault. Like there was something wrong with me that made you not love me. But you know, it really wasn't my fault at all. You blew it. You screwed up. And although you may never realize it, or it may never mean anything to you, it means something to me. It means that I didn't mess up. You missed out. You're still missing out. I would've thrown you a nice little party today. I would've done everything I could to make your life happy. I don't regret a thing. I am happy. I'm still beaming from the "Don't Sweat It" post. I'm still beaming because I don't feel at fault for us going wrong anymore. My whole life is so much happier today. So happy birthday Krissy. I'm a good kisser, and you'll never know.


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