If You Build It, They Will Come.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

I'm a racecar in the red.

I'm not sure I can take this much longer. Although I know I'm going to have to. I'm damn near out of my skull at this point. This was all a really big mistake. I should've never come back. I was then, and unfortunately am now, out of options. I'm doing my best to try to make the best of it. I'm trying to start another project.

I have got to get out of Kalamazoo. I've got to get out of this funk.

Unfortunately, now, I've got to live with the consequences of my actions. I'm not blamng anyone for this mess I'm in. It's my fault. I've taken nine steps backwards in coming here. I feel like I'm back on Kickapoo living with Marcy and Jessica.

I've got a few friends here. That's great. I love them. I didn't really have a lot of friends in California. I was fine with that because I was working, I was progressing. I was doing what I love. Now I'm stuck. I have the chance to move back in with my parents, but that requires me getting someone to take my room. But that means no rent, no buying food, and the chance at a really decent job.

I don't want to go to St. Louis.

I just gotta knock myself out of this funk, and spend as little amount of time at home as possible. I've got a wedding I'm assisting on for $8 /hr. There's got to be more out there than this.

Maybe not here though.

I can't wait to get out of this funk.


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