If You Build It, They Will Come.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Weekend.

Today my mother celebrates the fifth anniversary of her 39th birthday. Happy birthday mom.

Tomorrow morning I'm going across state to MC to celebrate. Both my brothers will be there, as will my mom and dad, and uncles Ed. It's also the St. Martins golf extravaganza, and so that will be fun. For the golfers.

Also, this weekend I figure out where I'll be this time next month.

I feel this entire Kalamazoo living situation is being handled poorly, and it's entirely my fault. So to my two readers who happen to be roommates, I really apologize if I'm being a dick. I do. I'm just trying to figure out the rest of my life without losing the forward momentum I had coming out of school, and have all but kissed goodbye since coming back to this town.

See, here's how this whole thing worked out.

My last month of school in Los Angeles, I wasn't sure what I was going to do after graduation. The only thing I really knew is that I couldn't afford to live in Los Angeles anymore. At the time I only had two options, and because of when rent was due in LA, I couldn't stay more than a few days after graduation. So it was move back to Kalamazoo and live with Jon and Johanna for cheap, or move to St. Louis with my parents for free. I made the choice to come to KZoo, because I didn't want to lose the independence that I had living on my own. I thought I could make it on my own, pick up a job, save some money, then do whatever afterwards. In hindsight it was kind of the wrong choice, because there's more freedom to leave if I lived with my parents. Kalamazoo, and all of West Michigan doesn't have anything to offer in the job market, which is why I left in the first place. It's got nothing to offer in the indy film market either. I really thought I'd be able to pull this off. I was wrong.

So the week before graduation, Éowyn brought up the idea of moving to Denver. She knows people in the business there, it's a large indy film market, lots of actors, lots of crew people. Outside the city is very affordable. It seemed perfect.

So the week before I was supposed to move, I was packed and ready to go, but I didn't know where I was going.

I talked it over with my mom, looking for any advice. We came to the conclusion that finding a place to live in Denver on a weeks notice was going to be too hard, and Kalamazoo would be good because I could let it serve as a base camp and leave for Denver once I had more time to find a place, and a job, and get on my feet with a job in KZoo.

So after almost two months, I've still not found a job. Not a McDonalds, not a Discount Den, not a AbsVideo, not a mall job, not a convienence store gig. Nothing. No one is hiring, but everyone is keen to "keep my application/resume/reel on file." I've had two calls and interviews. Neither panned out. I've not heard anything back.

I drive around, up and down Westnedge, and it's amazing how many businesses have gone away, how many buildings or office spaces are for lease.

So, Jamie Flynn gets a job interview in Aspen, Colorado, and may have to leave within a week or two if she gets it. Jason is left kind of dry in this event, and he asks if I want to move in. The rent is cheaper, the room is over twice as large, and the parking is better. I ask Johanna if it's cool, she squees in her usual manner and calls her friend Jamie to see if she wants the room, saying this would be perfect because everyone would be "home." After she calls Jamie, I call Jason and say that I guess it's cool if I move over if Flynn gets this job because they have someone to take my room.

Flynn gets the job, and so I let everyone know I'm going over there. (apparently this is where I handled situation badly, and there was drama and stuff, as no one really knew what anyone else was talking about I guess. As it turns out, I was accused of "bailing" on this place, though it was my understanding that my room was "90% sure" of being taken. If I had known how up in the air it apparently actually is, I wouldn't have started moving stuff over there. What we had here was a failure to communicate. Mostly on my part I guess, as I was the one who created this situation, I should have been the one to regulate it. I do in all honesty accept responsibility for how shitty this whole ordeal has been.) At any rate, Flynn has just recently quit that job and come back to KZoo. Meaning if My room IS in fact taken, I am effectively homeless in two weeks.

Now it's really not as dire as all that. I can still move in with Jamie and Jason, and rent will be REALLY cheap. I've got other options. I may not even have to move out.

However, this may be my opportunity to get out of here and get to Denver. Where I can actually begin my career. Where I can get a job, or a McJob. Where I can get connected. Where I can get a crew, where I can get a cast, where I can get a production house.

Or I can stay here. I will probably eventually get a temp job or something.

The problem is, as I've not had a job in 2005, I can't really afford to move out to Denver right now. I do however already have my resume and reels floating around (or on their way) to the city. I got someone looking around for me a little, dropping my name. I applied to like 6 or 7 different places in Denver on Monster today. I do have a place to stay for free for a while in the Denver area until I find a place of my own. But I'm literally down to my last few bucks here.

So this weekend, in MC, I'm going to discuss this whole matter with my father, and see what he thinks. I know he's a little upset with me about the idea of moving back across the country after just getting here a month and a half ago. I know he's also a little upset over the fact that I haven't gotten a job yet. I also know that when he asks me why this all came about and about Denver, I'm going to be nowhere near as concise and clear as I am here. I'm going to studder, and blabber, and sound like a goon, because for some reason, when I do this kind of thing and need to talk to him about how I've screwed up, and how I want to do something unconventional and seemiingly illogical, I freeze up. No idea why.

I'm really just going to ask what he thinks I should do. Get his two cents. I'll try to present all this as the situation, and then see what he thinks is the best course of action.

To be my parent seems to require infinite patience. I do promise it will pay off someday.



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