If You Build It, They Will Come.

Tuesday, June 11, 2002

Happiness is Relative....

Here's why. Nopa posted life's most perfect moments on his site. The reason happiness is relative, is I can see that all of those make him happy. And 19 of 20 make me happy too. All in fact, but number six.

6. When an audience in a movie theater spontainiously erupts in applause at the end of a movie. I remember when that was simply ettiqute... now, its a sign of bliss.

Let me just say, I hate that. Hate it hate it hate it. Although there are times I hate it even more. Like seeing Attack of the Clones. Lucasfilm pops up, and they applaude, the Star Wars Logo pops up, and they applaud, Yoda walks into the room and they applaud, Yoda fights Dooku then picks up his cane and they applaud, the end credits roll and they applaud. Dorks, this isn't a sitcom. They can't hear you. Who the hell are you applauding too??

Now Jonny said the end. That's annoying too. Not as bad as during the movie, when you miss lines, and it takes you out of the whole theatre experience. There's a reason tat the theatres are dark and the sound is unnecessarily loud and they don't want people talking. They don't want any distractions. Once you get into the movie, you forget you're in the theatre, it takes over your senses. By applauding, you screw that all up. Don't believe me? Next time you're in a scary movie, and it's at a really tense part, making you really tense, take that time to check out the speaker system in the theatre, or tie your shoe. Read the popcorn bucket. You'll find that suddenly you aren't as tense and you realize it's all just up on a screen.

The thing is, when you applaud at the end of a movie, I'm always wondering who they think is going to hear them. Not the director, he lives in California. The actors are all somewhere else too. They don't hear it. The theatre staff hears it, but they had nothing to do with the movie, except over-charging you for popcorn. So who are you showing your respect to by clapping?

When I saw Star Wars on opening day, some people I went with were at the midnight show hours before. They said that people were clapping throughout the film. So I, being the jackass I am, waited until "A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away..." came on the screen. The tension was building, the people were emptying their hands to slap them together. This is what they had been waiting for for three years. In that silence they were ready for the Star Wars Logo. And in that silence, I, from the back of the theatre, in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear me, said, "Don't Clap." Boom, Star Wars Logo. Some people were laughing at what I said. One guy clapped, and no one else joined him, so he quickly stopped. Except for that one bastard, I single handedly stopped the annoying movie theatre applause, and replaced it with laughter, that, while distracting as well, at last made me feel cool.

So people, don't applaud at a movie theatre. It's inappropriate. I don't applaud the people at Wendy's when they get my order right. I don't applaud a good music video on MTV, or a new CD that I get. When I finish Resident Evil for Gamecube, I don't give the game a standing ovation. Why? Because that would be retarded. Almost as retarded as clapping at a movie screen.


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