If You Build It, They Will Come.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Ohh, you crazy bible belters....

To me, there's nothing funnier or more scary than frightened ultrachristians. For example, are you a goth? Apparently I'm goth, and I didn't even know it. (my favorite is either the spending alone time to talk to evil spirits, my choice of breakfast cereal, or my pin that says, "I'm Goth.")

These people exist because they don't want to be like you.

I mean yeah, ha ha, it's funny to think of moms reading over this article some place in like Indiana or Alabama and getting all scared that their child is "goth." The scary thing is that I'm sure a lot of moms do. I think the worst thing is that they show the picture and then below it ask if one of the more nazi-like, evil, fearful, and amazingly stupid things we've done in our American history was actually the correct thing to do. Though it shouldn't be shocking. These people are the most nazi-like, evil, fearful, and amazingly stupid people in the country.

Sadly, there's a lot of them. Enough of them to be scared enough to re-elect Bush.



  • If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately.
    The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these
    problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

    I just counted, 25 of these apply to me. Can you imagine if my mom took me to the local mental health center and claimed she thought satan was inside me because I wear black and drink alcohol, and the internet told her so? They'd check her in.

    Taking your kid in to an asylum because they're goth is like checking them in for wearing baggy jeans.

    By Blogger Joseph, at Thu Apr 28, 06:03:00 PM EDT  

  • Joe, that is freaking hilarious. My favorite was "Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood."
    Also I liked this-
    "Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
    culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in."
    So wait.. it's obscure.. but teens are prone to participating in it.... my brain hurts.

    By Blogger Laura, at Thu Apr 28, 11:10:00 PM EDT  

  • "If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately! The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it"

    1. Masturbates
    2. expresses in interest in sex
    3. dances to music in a provocative manner
    4. demands an unusual amount of privacy
    5. is homosexual or bisexual

    Hmmmm. Goth, yes that's what I was thinking.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Apr 29, 07:26:00 AM EDT  

    Find all the fat, bored kids that play video games, too!

    and those damn buddhist and hinduist cluts. *shakes heads

    I think my favorite is declining interest in wholsome activities like .... sports.
    *shows them a colorado/wings game
    *shows them the pistions/attacking fans game
    *shows them when table tennis goes bad video
    theyre anti-gay but they want them to play football. the most man-loving orgy on the 50 yard line, let me feel the warmth of your ass before you hand me your balls- game.
    ~m a r c y

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Apr 29, 12:53:00 PM EDT  

  • Nice...

    I gotta go eat my Count Dracula Cereal now.

    I almost hate to ask, but do they mean "Count Chocula?" Because that's hilarious. I wonder what St. Marys Church thinks about Frankenberry.

    By Blogger Joseph, at Fri Apr 29, 06:23:00 PM EDT  

  • Jonny suspects this may be a joke. I assure you it's not. Follow the link on the page to stmaryschurch.org, and just look around a little bit. You'll learn that soldiers need no psychological help, because prayer can overcome post traumatic stress disorder.

    Wow, in 6th grade at St. Mary's they have to read "Maniac McGee." I had to read that in elementary school too. Just a side note.

    Ok, I gotta get going, back to work. Stay well my fellow creatures of the night.


    By Blogger Joseph, at Fri Apr 29, 06:39:00 PM EDT  

  • its just a jump to the left!
    and then a step to the riiiiight...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sun May 01, 06:32:00 AM EDT  

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