....and then one day you reach the breaking point. The last straw. The final insult. Beit she doesn't want to miss work for this day that you've built in your mind to be the most anticipated moment of your young life, or she just lies to you one more time. It's the day you see someone for who they really are, and wonder to yourself why in the blue hell you gave a such a damn in the first place. It's a painful yet liberating feeling. There's always that little little feeling in the back of your mind that makes it so the person is still desireable. That feeling died last night. Completely. And after a short bit of anger on my part, a bit of brooding, I realized I was glad to see it go. She will always be one of my closest friends. I will always listen to her and talk to her. We'll always hang out. But I do not want to go back, at all. There's always been a feeling that, if for some odd reason she changed her mind and wanted to try again, I'd really think about it. Not anymore.

Now this isn't a bad thing. Like I said, I enjoy being her friend. And like I said, it's a very liberating feeling. It's good to know I guess. I asked her last night, to call me today. She said she would. When she doesn't, I won't be upset. I don't expect her to. When she tells me she can't drive out to hang out and go to the thing in Jackson because her parents would be upset that she's slacking off and going other places while she is unemployed, and yet shows up the next weekend on a whim to hang out with someone else, that was what did it. And now I realize, I should've expected it. And now it doesn't bother me, because I do expect it. I wanted to ask last night. I instinctively wanted to say something. Be a smart ass somehow, like "So your parents don't want you coming out here till you get a job?" Then I was just like, it's not worth it. At all. I don't even care, really. I'm used to the lies, and the contradiction. Why get upset? And this feeling came over me and I felt free. I mean, we've had lots of fun hanging out and stuff, and now I'll probably have more. Cedar Point was cool. But I used to be on edge being with her because nobody could hurt me as bad as she could. And she would thoughtlessly do it occasionally. Now, she can't even make me flinch.