If You Build It, They Will Come.

Saturday, December 15, 2001

All in all it's just another brick in the wall.

I felt the need to write that there. Maybe because I watched The Wall last night. Maybe it's because I feel that way about a few things in my life right now. Namely my boss. She gave me what I wanted, so I'm not as mad anymore. Maybe it's for these dreams. Or what they may pertain to. Maybe the song is just in my head. I'm daydreaming now. A lot easier than I used to. People will talk to me and I won't hear a thing they said, although I'm smiling and nodding the whole time. I never remember peoples names. People will be like, "I'm Jim" and like five seconds later, I'm like, wait, what was his name again? I watched an episode of the X-Files a few nights ago. It was the one about Big Blue. The prehistoric creature that supposedly lived under this lake. It turns out it was just a big aligator. Mulder and Scully got talking about Moby Dick (Scullys dog was named Queequeg.) Mulder made some comment about not being Ahab, but always wanting a peg leg. He rationalized it by saying that then he wouldn't have to look for the truth anymore. His success wouldn't be measured by his great accomplishments. If he had some kind of disformity like that, he would be successful in only surviving day to day. No one would pressure him to go out and be huge or great. They would take pride in him and he could take pride in himself by just getting up in the morning. I just thought that was interesting. I mean he's kind of right. The more you can do, the more you're expected to do. The more you do the higher you raise your own bar, the easier it is to falter. Like if I was a goalie in the NHL, and all season trough 81 games I never let a goal in. Then in the 82nd game one gets by. People would think I was slipping. For one goal in 82 games. But, if I was a quarterback for the Detroit Lions and I threw a game winning touchdown, I would be a hero, because no Lion quarterback has thrown a game winning touchdown all season. So Mulder has a point. But, then again, if you had a peg leg, it WOULD be an accomplishment to do the things that others do easily. So in truth it would probably suck hard.

Anyway, goodnight.

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