If You Build It, They Will Come.

Sunday, December 29, 2002

Found something interesting written in a notebook....

I want to make the point that this has no other significance in my present life, other than the fact that I was looking for a piece of paper and stumbled across it, and decided to post it to show to anyone reading that no matter how bad you think things have gotten, they will get better.

"I want to. I don't want to. I don't want to want to. But I do. Am I pathetic or am I normal?

Will it ever be the same? 'Will it seem real again?' Will it ever?

God I hope so.

Why do I give myself such false hope? Does that make it easier? Not facing the truth makes it go away.

It will never be real again. It never was in the first place. The pain is real. Love = Pain. That's all I've ever learned.

Why do I keep going back for more?

What is it about you that makes it worth it?

Why can't you see that in me?"
-- Jan. 2001

Saturday, December 28, 2002

Today's Random Fact:

The sum of twenty six thousand nine hundred ninety five times one hundred fourty percent times six percent plus seven times eighty plus ten and a half times twenty three all multiplied by seventy two percent is roughly two thousand two hundred ten. However this could be misleading if done without an order of operations. If done in chronological order as to how it was written, the sum would be three million thirteen thousand five hundred thirty seven and four hundred sixty four one thousandths.

Conclusion: Math is easier with numbers.

Thursday, December 12, 2002

What in the blue hell is going on? What am I thinking? And why am I thinking it now of all times? I think my mind hates me.

Sunday, December 08, 2002

As Jon said, last night was "Guys Night." Jon, Yerty, Ryan and I all were at Bilbo's until 2ish. That being said, I learned a few things.

-Sledgehammer is very, very good.

-I have some of the coolest friends out there.

-The freaky people who go to Meijer at 3am, choose to rent movies at 2:30am.

-A hot girl with an exposed midriff can very easily make you lose your train of thought. A hot girl with an exposed midriff walking into the mens room can more easily make you lose your train of thought. Alcohol helps all this greatly.

-Phil is more shady than previously anticipated.

-Dan spelled backwards is "nad."

-Wax spelled backwards is "Xaw" and is pronounced "zow."

-Jon hates the eighties, and will kill you if you mention Bon Jovi.

-The spider is the most ferocious predator in the insect kingdom.

-Dan has never seen "Weekend at Bernies."

I hope we do this again next weekend.

Sunday, December 01, 2002

November 30, 2002...

Joe at work.

5:54 pm

This will be added when I get home. Right now I'm at work.

It's slow right now. Apparently the weather is terrible outside. I'll probably take the long way home and avoid the highways.

I hate Diet Coke.

Jackie and I broke up on December 31, 2001. We started dating in October, I think. I had a pnemonic device to remember the day, but have since forgotten it.

No one wants to buy a bed today. The presentations stun them, then they all run for their lives. Where was I.....

Before Jack there was Laura. We broke up March of 2000. March 2000 to October 2001. Roughly a year and a half.

It's now just about December. It's been 11 months, and this time it feels completely different.

Maybe because Laura and I didn't really separate until the summer of 2001. There was also Erin, Tera, and Jenni, but I wouldn't have considered any of us dating. So right after Laura there was Tera, then Erin, then Jenni, then Laura again, then three months of nothing, and then Jackie.

So three months.

This time there was Tera again, who I adore, but it was like we were dating in a permanent fight, and we really weren't even dating. Marcy and I became close early this year. It was like dating without any romantic dating stuff. She had a boyfriend who later became her fiancee. Basically we became really close friends, then roommates.

All that adds up to approximately nothing. So eleven months of nothing is why this time feels so different.

This time feels so much better.

I feel bad for people who obsess about love like I used to. Like I hopefully never will again.

When you're single for three months, you still really miss having someone. By eleven months, you're over it. I still miss it sometimes, I'm still lonely occasionally. But whereas before it was something that consumed me, tore down my reason, self esteem, and self respect, and made me an all around hateful little bastard, Now it's a fleeting hiccup of a thought. All you need is you.


All that being said, working at the mall is torture. Kalamazoo is filled with hottie women, all of whom at some point in their lives have or will walk right past my window at Select Comfort. And who ends up flirting with me? The bearded gay guy at the phone accessory place. There was Brooke at Bright World. She had a little interest in me, but now apparently no longer works there. It's ok, she was too gorgeous for me anyway.

Joe's Girl Theory:

For 80% of women, External Beauty (EB), Internal Beauty (IB), and Intellegence (INT) are all directly related in the same way human senses are. If a man has all five functioning senses, he is using 20% of his sensory power for sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell. If one of these senses is taken away, the power is diverted to the others so that he is now using 25% for each, which is why you hear of blind people having heightened senses of hearing and smell. With women this works the same way, however, if one variable is overcompensated, the others suffer. For example, an extremely hot girl (70%EB) may have the personality of a stick (15%IB) and the intellegence of a small rock (15%INT).

The remaining 20% of women are "mutants" with an unusual capacity.

Of these 20%...
10% Have a low capacity, (5% to 99%) they may be ugly (2%EB), dumb (1%INT) and hateful (2%IB) (i.e: bitter fat girls who hate absolutely everything)

10% Have a high capacity, (101% to 300%) they may be megahot (100%EB), megasmart (100%INT), and megacool (100%IB).

Of these 10%......
9.95% Are engaged, married, taken, live in Europe, moving to Europe, or lesbians.

0.05% Are single, available, and would love to date you.

So in my opinion, dating a hot girl is like playing Russian Roulette with five loaded chambers.

Bullet One: She's too full of herself.
Bullet Two: She's dating you to manipulate you.
Bullet Three: She's figures you're a dime a dozen and will cheat on you as soon as humanly possible.
Bullet Four: She has the personality of a rock.
Bullet Five: She has the intellegence of a rock.
Empty Chamber: You've found the coolest girl in the world. But you'll be too nervous about the other stuff that you'll blow it.

Some people beat the odds, most end up with a fresh new hole in their skull. Figuratively of course.

It's funny though. As soon as you fall in love, they become a full ten. EB is a ten, IB is a ten, INT is a ten.

Hat trick.


Two and a half hours. I open tomorrow.

I had a dream last night about our townhouse. Writing that made me remember a house in another dream I had. I've dreamt about that house a lot though it doesn't exist in this plane of reality.

Chris Walken took my family in another dream. I felt as if I knew this dream. I came home to the house on Canal and the place was empty. Except the house was in a snowy field and I had a snowmobile. There was a barn out there somewhere. I knew who did it, but I wasn't worried. I was acting worried, because I was in a movie with Chris Walken. Weird.

The dream about the townhouse was sweet. The basement was huge, and the upstairs was the house I mentioned before. The basement looked like a warehouse, and it was all my room. There was fenced in tennis court and an ice rink, but I wanted a different room because it was too dark. So I moved into our third bedroom. There was a pool table, a living area, and a spot to set up an office, which I planned to do for "The Coughing Dog."

I woke up and realized two things. One: My room seemed really small. Two: I want an office.

I'd love to be an indie filmmaker.


I'm sure they play Christmas music over and over like this in hell.


What I said earlier about my Girl Theory... I just met a 10, with the most charming smile, beautiful eyes, and what seemed to be a non-ditzy cool personality. Either a fluke, or one of the 10%. Either way, her frat boy boyfriend was close behind at all times making sure I was aware of his looming prescence. So sad, for her's and my sake. :)


Ever have a chocolate covered strawberry? They're like an aphrodisiac for girls. There's this new Tiwanese tea place in the mall that mixes smoothies of all different flavors, so I had them make a chocolate strawberry blend. They acted like it was the most insane thing they had ever heard. It's really pretty good. Add a shot of rum and it's guarenteed to get you laid. Use Parrot Bay, Tropical Fruit taste + Chocolate Strawberries + inhibition crushing alcohol = Women lookin for lovin'.

Back to that indie film thing.

Guidence counselors ask that question: "If you had a billion dollars and never needed to worry about money, what would you do with your time?" I used to think I'd do absolutely nothing but sit on my ass and watch old Andy Griffith Show reruns. Now I know I'd write, produce, direct, and act in movies. I love it. I've written one screenplay called "Ordinary Life." (a working title) So far I've scouted locations, directed actors I've cast, gotten assistants, edited, and acted. It's been so much fun. Jon, who plays Chris in the film, says this should be taken seriously and I should work to try to actually distribute this. He says this based on the strength of one line delievered by my character in the film amongst other things. While I am completely flattered, here is why I completely disagree with him.

First off it isn't feature length for a dramatic comedy. Apart from that, it isn't good enough for public consumption. Even if it was, the music in it and locations are all, with the exception of the Olde Peninsula, used without permission. Even if I got permission for all the locations, I'd either have to buy the rights to the music, or produce an entirely original soundtrack, both of which will cost me serious bank. I'd also have to get real equipment. No one would see a film done unintentionally on a Sony Hi-8 Digital Camcorder. ("The Blair Witch Project" is the exception, but it served the story, so I am calling that "intentional"). Equipment would cost more bank. On top of that, to make it legal, I'd more than likely have to actually hire and pay people, more than likely real actors. Non-actors like us work in comedy and horror (i.e. "Evil Dead"), but with real drama, you need real actors or real aspiring actors. And if any are in or trying to get into the SAG, then the whole endeavour will need to be unionized. Even if that's not the case, more bank for real actors, a real crew, and any other real people who demand a real paycheck. I can't possibly come up with this money alone, so I'd need to go the route of indie filmmakers and find investors. Loans from people to pay for rights, actors, crew, equipment, shots, expenses. Loans, which for people to invest, would need to be paid back with interest and profits. If the whole film cost $100,000 to make, it better bring back at least $200,000 or Bruno will be sent in to break my kneecaps. Not that it's impossible, far from it. It's convincing investors that they can get their money back that will be next to impossible. See, I've never done this before. I have absolutely no experience. The way I see it, this is a project for me to gain experience so that when investors ask, "Have you ever done anything like this before?" instead of saying "no" and being excused, head hung in shame, I can say "yes" and hand them a 100 minute Hi-8 cheeseball comedy drama directed, produced, scored, edited, written, and shot by me to the best of my ability, and say "This could be so much better if you'd care to help us out." I've copyrighted "Ordinary Life." I technically own that one line. It's not like I can't use it again.


It's 9:33 pm. We should be closed. Damn mall holiday hours.


I'm so outta here!!!