If You Build It, They Will Come.

Saturday, June 29, 2002

Regardless of what you may think, I'm sick of this too. Starting today, I'm going to show you all.

You'll see. All of you.

Friday, June 28, 2002

Why the hell was I thinking of a fish market?

My Uncle Jack died today at 4pm. He's been around longer than I can remember. It's so weird when someone who has always been there is suddenly not there anymore. I didn't know Jack all that well, I didn't get to see him that much. He was always around on christmas and thanksgiving. All the big one's him and Ro would come walking through the front door together. The thing I always think about when I think of Jack, is that the man had a grip of steel. Everytime you shook his hand you had to check afterwards to see if it still worked. That and I'll never forget him telling me that I got pink eye because I was peeing on the sidewalk. For the record, I never peed on any sidewalk. Jack had a great sense of humor, he'd always say stuff like that. See on the outside, the man looked tough as nails. A rough, solid slab of pure intimidation. But when he'd sit down on the couch and start joking around with us kids, it was like looking at the picture of the vase or the two faces. You realize you're looking at the exact same thing, but are now seeing a completely different picture. Jack was fun. Jack was notorious for getting us riled up when we were younger. He was a husband, an uncle, a father, a grandfather, and a great grandfather and he will truly be missed.

Take care Jack, I'll try to stop peeing on all those sidewalks.


Tuesday, June 25, 2002

I can't help thinking of a fish market tonight.

On a completely different topic, I feel strange. I was telling TW all about this feeling, and it still hasn't gone away. But I think I figured out what it is. Acceptance. Have you ever seen Natural Born Killers? In the final scene when Mickey and Mallory are about to kill Wayne, and he runs away before he realizes he can't escape. So he comes back and says, "Alright, let's just get it over with." Acceptance. It's definately a new feeling. It's hopeless for a while. And I think that's what I've accepted. It would usually bug the living hell out of me, but last night I just didn't seem to care, leaving me with a very uneasy feeling. It's like getting extremely drunk and twisting your ankle. You look at it swollen and blue, and you think to yourself, "God that really should hurt... but right now it doesn't." Because usually it hurts like hell. I feel like I heard the shot, and am waiting for the bullet, but at this point the bullet hasn't hit, and it really should have by now, making me wonder if it ever will. I mean if it was going to hit, it would've hit by now. The whole experience leaves me very very confused. I mean I feel lucky that the bullet never hit, but I also feel like I shouldn't celebrate my luck just yet, because something very bizarre is going on. I can't analyze my own emotions without a distraction that I'm not sure I'm consciously causing. It's like my thoughts avoid me like those little eye fuzzies that move out of sight the moment you try to look at them. I honestly don't know what I feel right now. And after repeated attempts today to actually figure it out, I'm still nowhere.

On another note; my address next month will be 1530 Kickapoo Kourt. Yes, Kickapoo. Kick a poo. And yes Kourt with a K. When I tell people I live on Kickapoo Kourt in Kalamazoo, they're going to make me spend the night in the drunk tank.

Monday, June 24, 2002

Oh my gentle Jesus, I HATE dorks. HATE THEM. Nopa pointed out this website where this guy is insulted by bad movie physics. Insulted! By physics in a movie! AHH I hate you! Get a freakin life you assclown. He goes through all these physics explanations to say that when people shoot lasers in movies, you shouldn't be able to see them. Or bullets don't make sparks. Duh, you idiot. But how much entertainment could you get out of people pointing guns at each other and hearing a bang sound effect? Hmm moron, movies need to be entertaining, not accurate. You're arguing the Chewbacca defense, and you sound like an idiot. Go to a movie and enjoy it you damn nerd. He's like, "The Matrix was bad because when Trinity kicked the cop in that one scene, he should have rotated, but instead he just flew back." I cannot come up with the words to describe how much of a dorkass you are. Get a life. I hate it when people get offended by something so freaking stupid that has absolutely nothing to do with them personally, professionally, or in any other way. You need to grow up and get over your mental acumen of physics and realize that just because you can disect a work of fiction as being not real, which if you pick up a dictionary, is the definition of fiction, and just buy your popcorn, eat your Milk Duds, and shut the hell up. A movie is for entertainment. A PBS special is supposed to be physically accurate. There's a difference, so straighten it out and get off your computer, get rid of your pocket protector, turn off your TI-92 Calculator, get out of your parents basement and go meet a girl.

Sunday, June 23, 2002

The difference between drunk and sober.

Devil on the left shoulder: You know what would be funny... If you took your shirt off and ran around the apartment complex yelling like Zorro. Then get a sled, and slide down the stairway. Once you get down there go for a swim in the pond. Come back up, blare your music at 4am and call up all your friends and repeat everything they say until they hang up on you.

Angel on right shoulder: No, that would be stupid... You would annoy all your neighbors, you'd probably break a bone on the stairs... even if you didn't, I don't trust that pond. There's probably leeches. If there isn't you'd probably get sick from some kind of pond algae or something. Your friends would all hate you for waking them up, and you'd probably get evicted.

Devil on the left shoulder: You know what would be funny... If you took your shirt off and ran around the apartment complex yelling like Zorro. Then get a sled, and slide down the stairway. Once you get down there go for a swim in the pond. Come back up, blare your music at 4am and call up all your friends and repeat everything they say until they hang up on you.

Angel on right shoulder: Zzzzzzzzzzz.........

Thursday, June 20, 2002

"It's a good thing I wasn't whittling or I would've killed myself." --jgp

Tuesday, June 18, 2002

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
-Albert Einstein

There's a certain uncomfortable feeling that comes to those who teach us the intellegence of Einstein in school. In fact, the previous quote was probably never told to you by a teacher, though it is a very famous thing he said. Albert Einstein hated school. The man worked as a patent clerk after failing algebra in high school. Did he fail algebra because he didn't get it? No. He failed algebra because he didn't care. Did it ever haunt him again? Did anyone say, "You know Al, this theory of relativity is interesting, but it says here you failed algebra in high school. I'm afraid Princeton doesn't want you." No.

The fact that they don't tell you this in school is the difference between telling the truth and the whole truth.

Am I out here shouting out conspiracy theories? No. I just find it ironic that the fact they don't tell you this in school, proves that it is an acurate statement. There's a difference between what you learn and what you know. I can learn the names of all fifty states. That will never help me in life. Never. But the person you are when you come out of school, that is an educated person. A person who knows about life to that point. Everyone puts such a stress on the crap you learn in school. It's mostly useless. Completely useless. And I don't know if this is the way it's always been, but this is the way it is. No one goes to school to learn. No one gets out of a spanish class and says, "Hey I know how to speak spanish now." They say, "Thank god, I never have to speak spanish again." We learn it to pass the test, then try like hell to forget it all. I took German for four years. I couldn't speak a word of it now.

Thursday, June 13, 2002

76:20 in... Brazil 5 Costa Rica 2. So I was wrong.

Joseph's Analysis of Major Sports.

The following are my opinions on sports. The following views expressed are my views and do not express the opinions of Blogger.com, NBC, CBS, ESPN, MTV, the Home Shopping Network... ok, the joke has run stale.

Baseball. Oh my god I hate baseball. Hate it baseball. Hate it. The great American Pastime... shut up. Baseball is retarded. Never ever will the human race create a more boring long ass tired game. Unless ESPN starts showing Chess Tournaments by mail in real time, this is the end all be all of long sports. And as far as I am concerned, this is not a sport, this is a game. And it will never change. Never. You will never see the MLB drop the game to the 6 innings that it only deserves, you will never see them just walk a batter instead of throwing four unhittable pitches. Way overpaid. And by the way, of all the sports out there, including competitive cheer, (which I'll get to later) this is the sport where everyone is juiced up? You wonder why teams are getting dropped? It's not entertaining. Know why? Because even when you have someone like Barry Bonds, someone people go to see knock a few out of the park, what do they do? They walk him. Boring.

Boxing. Remember Godzilla? You know, the little lizard that, due to man's folly and arrogance with a nuclear bomb, turned into a monster that no one could stop. And he came and destroyed the people who made him, by wrecklessly and mindlessly tearing down Tokyo over and over again in an insane fury that the fleeing Japanese could never stop. Yeah, that's Tyson. We made him, and now he's turned against us, and we are powerless to stop him. The thing that I find funny is how people laugh at how stupid he is when he says things like "I wish you had kids so I could break their f*%#ing necks or stomp on their testicles, so you could know the pain I felt." Of course he's stupid, he makes his living getting punched in the head. Boxing as a whole though... I don't know. It's barbaric, it's brutal, often obscene. It's at least $54.95 to watch it. And once you pay the money, and there's a DQ 45 seconds in, and it's over, at least you can watch the riot footage.

Basketball. Almost cool. Almost. The thing that sucks about basketball is all in one word with three letters. "Ego." Shaq, get over yourself. The LA Lakers just three-peated like two hours ago. That's terrific. But I have never seen a group of higher paid, whiny, big-headed jerkwads than the NBA. Know why people like Jordan over Shaq? Humility. Jordan was the best ever. No doubt. But he wasn't full of himself. Which is why everyone loved him. Kobe Bryant, 23, three time NBA champ. Not full of himself. Kobe is cool. See, back when it was Larry Bird, and Magic Johnson, the Celtics/Lakers rivalry... that was completely awesome. There was respect. Now, you guys, for the most part, are dicks. And I personally, don't want to watch you.

By the way, Shaq. I got another word for you. Kazaam, dorkass.

Hockey. My favorite sport. You know why? The exact opposite of basketball. It's no secret, I'm a Wings Fan. But even if I wasn't, you have to look at this team. Look at Colorado too. Detroit's Roster includes Steve Yzerman, Brendan Shannahan, Brett Hull, Dominik Hasek, Luc Robitaille, Sergei Federov, Chris Chelios, Nickalus Lidstrom, not to mention a skilled rookie in Pavel Datsyuk. Notice something about this team? No "I'm better than him" crap. No butting heads. Everyone of those guys listed is going to the Hall of Fame, even Datsyuk, you can tell already. Hockey is fast, it's exciting, it's tense. My opinion, the best one out there.

Competitive Cheer. You're glorified dancers, not athletes. Move on.

Football. Football is cool. Again, big egos sometimes, then there's all the murdering they do off the field. It's exciting though, it's fun. Last years Superbowl was one of the best games I've ever seen. Football is #2 for me.

Soccer. Soccer has potential, though I doubt it will ever catch on in America. It's based on countries, so in Europe it's huge. Spain, France, England, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, they're all right next to each other. The competition between the fans is intense. Who can American fans compete with? Canada? Maybe soccer would be cooler if there were less players. It seems to have no flow to it. Maybe a bigger goal too. I don't think I've ever seen a pro soccer game that didn't end 1-0.

What the hell else....

NASCAR. Rednecks. All of you. Is it a sport to sit down and turn left for three hours? Am I an athlete when I drive to Detroit from KZoo? No. Shut up, y'all.

Indy Car. Less redneck somehow. Not sure how, but it is. Maybe it's because they don't only turn left. In Indy races, there's more turns. Maybe these confuse rednecks, and they are naturally turned away. Still sitting and driving.

Volleyball. I love volleyball. It's not too difficult, but still running in sand back and forth can get tiring. Usually played by hot girls in bikinis. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.

Tennis. Tennis may just be the sport that requires the most conditioning of them all. The court is small, yes, but it takes concentration to play, it takes skill, and if you think about it, you're basically doing windsprints the entire game.

Lacrosse. Cool. Very cool. In fact, I wish I could watch more lacrosse. It's like hockey, but on grass with nets on the sticks, and slashing is legal. Unfortunately, usually played by yuppies. Hey, they gotta do something besides conversing at the country club.

Water Polo. Also very cool. At least I think so. Though I don't think I've ever seen a water polo game (sorry Jen) the concept is quite cool. I would like to see a water polo game.... someday.

Broom Ball. I still hear stories of the legendary Erin Stotts kicking ass and taking names.

Figure Skating. See Competitive Cheer.

That's all for tonight. By the way, I stand corrected. I'm watching the World Cup, and in the 12th minute, it's 2-0 Brazil over Costa Rica. Know what I do like about soccer though? The clock never stops. The Brazilian goalie was just laying there for a bit, the trainers were out, and the game went on. That's kind of cool. Better than the NBA, where the last 30 seconds of a tie game lasts around 10-15 minutes.

Peace out.

Tuesday, June 11, 2002

Happiness is Relative....

Here's why. Nopa posted life's most perfect moments on his site. The reason happiness is relative, is I can see that all of those make him happy. And 19 of 20 make me happy too. All in fact, but number six.

6. When an audience in a movie theater spontainiously erupts in applause at the end of a movie. I remember when that was simply ettiqute... now, its a sign of bliss.

Let me just say, I hate that. Hate it hate it hate it. Although there are times I hate it even more. Like seeing Attack of the Clones. Lucasfilm pops up, and they applaude, the Star Wars Logo pops up, and they applaud, Yoda walks into the room and they applaud, Yoda fights Dooku then picks up his cane and they applaud, the end credits roll and they applaud. Dorks, this isn't a sitcom. They can't hear you. Who the hell are you applauding too??

Now Jonny said the end. That's annoying too. Not as bad as during the movie, when you miss lines, and it takes you out of the whole theatre experience. There's a reason tat the theatres are dark and the sound is unnecessarily loud and they don't want people talking. They don't want any distractions. Once you get into the movie, you forget you're in the theatre, it takes over your senses. By applauding, you screw that all up. Don't believe me? Next time you're in a scary movie, and it's at a really tense part, making you really tense, take that time to check out the speaker system in the theatre, or tie your shoe. Read the popcorn bucket. You'll find that suddenly you aren't as tense and you realize it's all just up on a screen.

The thing is, when you applaud at the end of a movie, I'm always wondering who they think is going to hear them. Not the director, he lives in California. The actors are all somewhere else too. They don't hear it. The theatre staff hears it, but they had nothing to do with the movie, except over-charging you for popcorn. So who are you showing your respect to by clapping?

When I saw Star Wars on opening day, some people I went with were at the midnight show hours before. They said that people were clapping throughout the film. So I, being the jackass I am, waited until "A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away..." came on the screen. The tension was building, the people were emptying their hands to slap them together. This is what they had been waiting for for three years. In that silence they were ready for the Star Wars Logo. And in that silence, I, from the back of the theatre, in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear me, said, "Don't Clap." Boom, Star Wars Logo. Some people were laughing at what I said. One guy clapped, and no one else joined him, so he quickly stopped. Except for that one bastard, I single handedly stopped the annoying movie theatre applause, and replaced it with laughter, that, while distracting as well, at last made me feel cool.

So people, don't applaud at a movie theatre. It's inappropriate. I don't applaud the people at Wendy's when they get my order right. I don't applaud a good music video on MTV, or a new CD that I get. When I finish Resident Evil for Gamecube, I don't give the game a standing ovation. Why? Because that would be retarded. Almost as retarded as clapping at a movie screen.

Monday, June 10, 2002

Fifteen down, one to go.

Saturday, June 08, 2002

"Once more into the breach dear friends, once more." --W. Shakespeare, "Henry V."

Thursday, June 06, 2002

"I am nothing more than I am, and I am everything I can be.
I am more alive today than ever I have felt,
even though this life is killing me."


JoFish19: i had a weirdo dream last night
erinatwork2: yeah?
JoFish19: yeah
JoFish19: I was at my uncle's house
JoFish19: only it was different
JoFish19: and he had these pictures on his wall that were actually flatscreen televisons
JoFish19: he had them all around the room, like two per wall
JoFish19: and they were all showing the same news report at a different stage of an explosion that happened at a bridge construction site.
JoFish19: and i was watching them and like suddenly I was there.
JoFish19: I could hear announcers talking
JoFish19: and these guys were working on the bridge, and they were standing on really small platforms WAY up in the air.
JoFish19: I was in a boat, and i got out and I was swimmiing in the water.
JoFish19: and I went under and I was wearing a mask so I could see
JoFish19: and suddenly i saw a giant bubble get pressed down into the water and heard this giant boom
JoFish19: and I came up quickly and there was fire all over and debris flying through the air and floating on the water.
JoFish19: so I ducked back under
JoFish19: and the water started getting really hot
JoFish19: and I was swimming away
JoFish19: and there was this girl floating there
JoFish19: and i grabbed her and swam back to the boat
JoFish19: and the boat was on fire in spots, but i got us in and hurried back to shore
JoFish19: she started waking up
JoFish19: (for the record she was mega-hot and in a white bikini, just so you get the full picture)
erinatwork2: yeah
JoFish19: and I took her back to my house
JoFish19: and I was cut
JoFish19: on my head
JoFish19: i was bleeding
JoFish19: she was barely conscious and her bikini top was next to gone.
JoFish19: i took her to my house on Canal in Grandville
erinatwork2: yep
erinatwork2: boy dream
JoFish19: I set her down on the couch
JoFish19: and I got her a shirt
erinatwork2: aww
JoFish19: and i had this pain in my stomach that dizzied me
erinatwork2: even a gentleman in your dreams
JoFish19: i got her some ice
JoFish19: and my parents were there
JoFish19: and I told them what happened
JoFish19: and they and my grandparents started playing cards
JoFish19: so I asked this girl, whos name was Amy, if there was anyone I could call
JoFish19: and she said we could call her husband, because her four kids would be worried about her.
erinatwork2: aw
JoFish19: (Even in my dreams, I don't have a chance)
erinatwork2: :-)
JoFish19: so we call
JoFish19: my dad does
JoFish19: so eventually her husband shows up with four kids who look kind of nervous that their mom is hurt
JoFish19: so I play with them a little bit to try to cheer them up while they talk
JoFish19: (the girl and her husband)
JoFish19: the girl, by the way, looked 21, and super hot, and there was no way four kids came out of her
JoFish19: so
JoFish19: they talk for a bit, and the husband tells me how thankful he is that I was there and so nice to his wife
erinatwork2: :-)
JoFish19: and I'm like, yeah.
JoFish19: and then she's like, I should give you your shirt back.
JoFish19: I'm like, no keep it
JoFish19: its cool
JoFish19: and she leaves, and I'm lying on the couch in my den, I wave to her, and I woke up waving to my refrigerator.

The following is an article posted to NHL.com.

Time for tradition to end
June 5, 2002

All God's creatures deserve respect.

"So we went to a sports event last night and when the home team scored we threw our neighbor's dog, which we had previously boiled, onto the playing surface."

Trying telling your co-workers that one some day. The men in white coats will be arriving soon. Then the ones in blue coats and badges. Then your neighbor.

Why then does anyone think it's cute or funny to throw octopuses onto the ice at Joe Louis Arena after the Detroit Red Wings score during the Stanley Cup playoffs? It's more out of touch with 21st Century values than the Tomahawk Chop.

It's also the cause of a local backlash following a recent article in the Detroit Free Press by Hugh McDiarmid Jr. who quoted Dr. James B. Wood, project manager of CephBase, a project of the National Resource Center for Cephalopods, in Galveston, Texas.

"It's like buying a deer carcass and throwing it," Dr. Wood said. "It's a waste of an animal's life for entertainment. When you eat it, it serves a purpose. I'm biased, but taking any life form and throwing it in a sports arena -- why?"

Blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah hippie crap blah blah blah....

All God's creatures deserve respect. Tell that to the chicken who's eggs you took to make your omlette. Tell that to the mosquito you just killed, he was just trying to survive by sucking your blood. Tell the pigs that you eat, or the mice in mousetraps. Tell that to the fish you catch and release, I'm sure they enjoy being dragged out of their habitat by the brand new hole in their face just so you could take a stupid picture. Tell that to the moles you drown because they ruin your lawn. Tell that to the ant colony you wipe out with your lawnmower or a can of Raid because they are an eyesore. Any animal that ends up in Nugget form does not gain your respect. Lice are God's creatures, so stop shampooing your hair, they gotta have a place to live too.

The octopi that hit the ice at JLA are already dead. If they weren't thrown on the ice, what else would they be doing? Rotting? Being eaten? The ink in those things are poisonous. The little meat that can actually be eaten would've been eaten by some yuppie rich punk who could've spent a lot less money on a salad. So what is more wasteful? A dead octopus that has the equivalent of a foot used and the rest discarded to feed some spoiled rich guy, or using the whole body to get 19,000 people on their feet in an applause that makes everyone except the Carolina Hurricanes feel a little bit better?

It's already dead, so what is more wasteful?

When you kill a rat, do you eat it? Or step on an ant, does he become your snack? You kill these animals because you don't like them, and their lives are meaningless to you. You don't respect them. You don't kill a roach so that your family can live another day, you kill it because it's gross.

So, if you want to start a "Save the Animals" campaign, find a more noteworthy place to start than Joe Louis. Start in somewhere like Alaska where we're wiping out animal habitats to dig for the oil you use to drive your car. I love people who have causes, but I hate it when they are too dumb to actually think about it.

Bad hippie. No reefer for you.

In a world where everybody cared about everything, this article would have merit. But this is Earth. This is America. This is reality. No one cares. Your tragedy goes unnoticed here, unless it can pull in good ratings. Ask Nicole Simpsons family, ask Jon Benet Ramsey, or Chandra Levy. Here is the truth about life.

It doesn't really matter.

Those pushing apathy will never win, and those pushing care for everything will never win. It is a delicate balance. It is a constant battle between Liberals who want to make things better, and Conservatives who think things are fine the way they are. Don't get me wrong, your struggles matter. You can win a battle, but you will never, ever win the war. But the little things matter. It's a tug of war, and if one side gives up, the other side will take over. It's like Alice in Wonderland, where The Red Queen tells Alice that she needs to run as fast as she can just to stay where she is. And for the last 200 years, the liberal mind has won more of the big battles, we freed the slaves, we let women vote, we let minorities into schools. Conservatives win a few too, we still send money to the middle east countries that want to kill us all, so we can buy oil for cars that are destroying our resources, we still tear down forests and wipe out populations of animals to build factories that pump harmful carcinogens into the atmosphere. But the liberal mind is going to far in a few cases. Especially by putting the term "Pollitically Correct" in the minds of all of us. Don't try to make me feel bad for not caring about two dead octopi that hit the ice in game seven at Joe Louis. Don't try to make me feel like it's wrong for me to think a stereotypical thought about women, but I have to smile when a chick says "men are scum." Shut up.

I would still consider myself liberal. Conservatives are closed minded, rich, white supremisist assholes. Well not all of them, but most of them.

On another note, (this post is a long one dealing with many issues), I don't want to grow up. To my parents, this isn't news. But it's a conclusion I came to last night. I know I'm going to hate my life. I know it. I know I'm going to graduate from college, and go to bed that night, and wake up and I'm going to be fifty. The idea of actually getting what everyone calls a "real life" to me is dying. I'm not anxious to dive into the rut I'm going to be in for the rest of my life. These are the best years of my life. Once they're over I'm rolling down a hill and all that waits at the end is death. I'll be in a 9-5 job that I'm going to hate. I'll hate waking up in the morning, and I'll hate going to bed, because I'll know, I'm just going to wake up again. I'll be in a job that I'll have to do to survive. I know what some people would say who are like 40 and doing a job, if I ask them if they like their job. It doesn't really matter if I like it. It's a job. It pays well. I'm going to fifty and looking back, wondering when it stopped mattering if I liked it or not.

I could get a job that I like. Columbus could win the Stanley Cup next year, monkey's could fly out of my butt, world peace could come about next tuesday, and I could win an Oscar for the film I'm putting together. I'm going to graduate with a degree in Behavioral Science. I hate Behavioral Science. It's false, faulty, wrong, and stupid. The next thirty or fourty years of my life are going to just be splendid. I can't wait to strap on the chains that are life and get rid of this free feeling.

But hey I guess we all gotta grow up sometime, right?

Wednesday, June 05, 2002

I will never succeed in something that doesn't interest me. It's amazing, I have the hardest time studying, or sitting at a computer to type up a report. But from 1pm to 4:30am (15 and 1/2 hours) yesterday and from noon until 3 today, I have sat through the extremely tedious, frustrating, and blood curdling task of editing a twenty minute movie. Nearly 19 hours for a 20 minute movie. Granted I took breaks, but not many. I watched 15 minutes of Politically Incorrect (which it think is the greatest show on television, the fact that its getting cancelled proves that it's right.) I watched the last 10 minutes of the Wings game, worked during the intermission, and then watched the minute long OT. I think now everyone can start taking Carolina seriously. And there was about 45 minutes that Jon and Yerty came over, and watched what I had so far. Plus a few breaks here and there, one to take a shower, one to make hot dogs, all in all I'd say I only worked about 16-17 hours over the last two days on a twenty minute movie, 13-14 of which were all yesterday. When something interests me, I can't stop. I'll make excuses to stay in to work as much as I can. I just need to find something interesting.

The movie by the way, I am extremely proud of. I doubt it's at all entertaining to anyone outside our social circle, but thats the way I did it. It's for us. And if I do say so myself, it's really good. And I do say so myself.

Sunday, June 02, 2002

I wonder if this is what the Cold War felt like. Sitting around waiting for the next big terrorist attack.

"A new women's version of Viagra is due out sometime next year. Studies show it will make women get aroused faster, and give them better orgasms. In fact scientists have stated that it causes women to be aroused so fast, it may actually cause Christina Aguleria's vagina to time travel." -Tina Fey, SNL Weekend Update.


God, I am a dick. Your birthday was yesterday and I didn't call or anything. It totally slipped my mind. I knew it was your birthday the day before. I was all ready to give you a call, it was so on my "to do" list and then this morning I just totally blanked on the whole thing. I can't believe it. I am truly an asshole. I hate me. Stupid, stupid little me.

Anyways, I hope you're doing better, and I hope your yard work wasn't that hard. I miss you, and I'm so sorry that I am such an ass. I can't believe I forgot. I really can't. It was the only important thing I had to do today. Of course there was work and pay rent, but those were slightly less important than "Call Tera on her Birthday." And I botched it. So very very sorry.

Joe = Mongoloid.

Saturday, June 01, 2002

We're going back to the finals!

I had a lot to say while I was at work today. I seem to have forgotten a lot of it.

You know what I think is one of the sexiest things a woman can have? Individuality. I don't mean the ability to be an individual, as in self supporting and all that. I mean something that makes them different. The greatest thing is that most girls have this, but they choose to call it a character flaw. Don't hide it, flaunt it. There is nothing better. I am so sick of the sorority, booty pants, halter top, long blodne straight hair, big boobs, party until you're drunk out of your mind, and make yourself feel cool by acting like you've got a major stick up your ass, whatever you do don't smile kind of chick. You are not attractive. You are fun to look at. But you are all the same. You're all insensitive, you're all boring, and you all have the personality of a bag of rocks.

Give me a girl that can play guitar. Give me a girl who sculpts. Girls who play sports, girls who play video games. And I mean sports and video games. Not like cheerleading and poke'mon. I mean like soccer and Grand Theft Auto 3. Give me a girl who can think abstractly. Someone who can think on a higher level. Someone who can change my mind. Someone who can argue. An actress, a skater, a dork. You know, someone who knows stuff that other people won't admit they know. Someone who speaks Italian. Soemone with an accent. Someone who water skis. Someone who likes classic rock. Someone different than all you girls out there that pretty themselves up wearing the exact same thing every other girl wears, acting the same cold way. For gods sake, just smile. It won't kill you. If someone says hi, say hi back. If someone smiles, smile back. You aren't cooler than me. I'm not unworthy of your time. Get over yourselves, because you aren't special. You are the exact same girl I saw at the last party, or the last club, or the last bar.

This took a hostile turn. I smiled at a girl today, she looked at me like I had the plague. I really just wanted to say to all those girls out there who feel intimidated because you don't dress or act like the sorority chicks or the "hottie" at the bar, be proud of that. Flaunt that. Dwell in it. You are the good ones. You are the ones that the good guys are looking for. You different copies of the same girl complain that guys are all trashy and jerky, you attract the trashy jerky guys, because there is nothing that makes you stand out, you're just a quick thrill. You seem anonymous, like a stripper. You don't have to really learn a strippers name, because while you're in that club, you could be in any club. While you're there, they're all the same. Sally, Cindy, Suzy, who cares, they'll all dance on me for $20. What's the point in getting to know you? If I know one of you, I know you all. So if you want a girl without all the hassle of an actual devoted relationship, try to hook up with a carbon copy girl. That's why you think we're all pigs. All us good guys, we're all looking for you weirdos. You oddballs. You girls who aren't afraid to be yourselves. Who aren't afraid to go against the grain. You who do something that no one else does.

I guess I can't really speak for everyone, but at least in my opinion you girls are the keepers.