ok... so... i don't feel too good right now.

it's ok. it's not the usual crap, this time it's different. i can't get premiere to work right, and i need to cast this movie, and i don't feel any pressure anymore. i feel like this is all falling apart on me. ugh.

i had a date last night. it went pretty good i think. i think.

i wish i knew what you were trying to tell me. i get that i gotta do this all on my own. i can't keep coming to you everytime i want something, i get that. i don't want to think that sometimes there's just nothing you can do. i need you though. not to do things for me, but to let me know that this is going to be okay. there is always something in my way, and i can knock that down, but sometimes it doesn't feel like the thing to do. i guess that's when i later find out it wasn't to be done in the first place. so i get that. but i've found what i love. and i think that its something i need to go after. and i don't think that i need you to help me, i just wish there was a way that i could hear you say that i was going the right way. patience? is that it? i guess it could be. anything doing is worth waiting for. and there's always that thought that when you finish the race, you look back on it and think that it was really nothing, and that you'd do it again if you had to. you forget nights like tonight. you forget how lost you felt. i feel pretty lost right now. so this is the first time i've posted hoping you read this. it seems we don't talk enough anymore, and i'm sure that's my fault. i'm always listening though, and i hear you most of this time. at least i think i do. you speak quietly. but i've heard you. i know that was you telling me that some things are better left unsaid. maybe you're sitting this out intentionally. if my dad was rich he'd still make us earn our lives, instead of giving us everything, though it would be well within his means, because when you earn it, it tastes better. maybe that's what you're doing now. maybe you want me to follow my heart and let me find my own path so when i get there, i'll know it was because of me. so i can look back and smile and say i did it all on my own. i just hope you're watching, i'd hate to fall without someone there to catch me.

thanks

jgp

incomplete thoughts

if only... as always...

I doubt for always...

someday... this will... but now...

still going... happiness is...

if only... one thing...

this... this... that...

far... it's not that big of a thing you know....

maybe you're... it doesn't matter....

I remember this, it doesn't seem so....

it is in a way....

always something...

you saw me... I saw that there was....

if only there wasn't this other thing that has....

nice night....

If "real" is what you can see, smell, hear or touch, then realilty is simply electrical impulses interpreted by your brain. So why don't we question whether or not our electrical impulses are being manipulated? That I can see the desk in front of me, I can knock on it and feel it, and hear the noise of the wood against my knuckles, along with feeling my arm move towards the desk, when in fact, the desk isn't really here and I never moved. I'm not really seeing what is "in front of me." I could be lying in a little pink bubble of goo.

Easy, right, we covered this in 1999.

Now, if I could wake up, because I didn't buy that these manipulated electrical impulses were reality, and if the manipulator, the evil scientist or demon, was good enough to anticipate that some people might wake up, would the fact that I was right, that the manipulation was not real, and that I've woken up to see it as false, be enough for me to not even dream of questioning whether or not I had actually woken up, seeing as I still interpret reality through electrical impulses, and that the "real world" seems just as real as the "false world?" And, wouldn't that be an error on my part?

That was quite the run on sentence.

Wow pt 2.

Kids, stay away from the shrooms...

twisted my ankle again. god i suck.

...and he still gives his love, he just gives it away. the love he receives is the love that is saved....