Welcome to Kowagoopa. Please enjoy your stay.

You can't lose what you don't put in the middle. But you can't win much either.

Quad Damage

I had a dream last night that I was playing Quake 3 in some brand new awesome virtual reality game, where you were running around in what looked like a suburban neighborhood, and you had a light up panel on your arm that could switch your guns. Also I was playing against Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, and I was trying desperately to kill them with my railgun. Then I found their mansion and I broke in with my teammate who was Elisha Cuthbert, who plays the daughter on "24." They didn't know we were in the house, but they quit playing. Suddenly we realized we could get in a lot of trouble for being in their house with guns, and we thought they'd try to kill us for real. So while I was upstairs in their attic like room, I got a flashlight from the Oracle from The Matrix and turned off all the lights, and shined the flashlight down the stairs, so that if they came up, they wouldn't be able to see because their eyes would have to readjust to the darkness, and in that time, I could shoot them with my railgun. But they never came. So Elisha and I left, but we realized we'd still get in a lot of trouble, and that we needed to leave the country, so we went to Canada, which was conveniently on the other side of a fence that was thirty yards away. We climbed the fence, and while on the other side, I noticed we were in danger, because the villain guy from "24" was going to try to kidnap Elisha. Then they burst through the fence in a car and grabbed us and held us at gunpoint, and that's when I woke up.

I enjoy writing my dreams down on this blog, and I've been doing it for almost five years now, because I tend to forget my dreams. And when I go back in my archives and find a very old dream that I posted, I can remember it all very vividly. Like the one in my uncles house where we all died and turned into ghosts and the monster was eating our souls, and at the end I could kick a soccer ball... that was years ago, but after I go back and read it, I picture it in my mind like I had the dream last night.

Gotta go to bed now. I'm up too late as it is.

-jgp-

just nod if you can hear me

I should be sleeping now, but instead, I opted to take my chore time and spend it teaming up with the Violent Toilet Thing to decimate the Big Gay Mule and the Inscrutable Drama Queen at a game of Shout About Music. We won game 1 69-0, game 2 90-0, and halfway through game 3, the DVD player decided to show mercy upon Jason and Jamie, and commit hara kiri. It died for their sins.

The problem is that I've got so little to do and so much time, (strike that, reverse it), to get my living quarters up to, at minimum, sub-standard qualifications before Schmoo gets here tomorrow afternoon.

Actually, everything is really done, and the room is somewhat emmaculate, but I'm waiting to switch a load from washer to dryer before going to sleep. Any minute now.

Goodnight.
-j-

Crapgasm

Q: What the best part about Howard Stern being exclusively on Sirrius Satelite Radio?

A: I don't have Sirrius Satelite Radio.


Nor do I suspect I'll want to pay money to hear an ugly lanky old man say, "Wow, look at your tits. Those are amazing. Wow. Are they real? They are? Wow. I'll bet you like to have sex, don't you. You do, don't you? Yeah. You're dirty. Look at you. Wow." I avoided it when it was free.

Zzzz...

I got off the phone with my mom at about 7:30pm last night. That's the last thing I remember. Next thing I knew I was waking up at 8am, confused on what day it was.

I went to the hospital yesterday for the severe headache and muscle pain I was having after the flu. They stuck me with an I.V. because I was severely dehydrated. They gave me pills for the headache, and then put this other stuff into the I.V. that they said would make me "a little sleepy." After that, I had a little difficulty walking, I kept slurring my words, and Erin made fun of me on the phone. I think she made fun of me. I really can't remember anything we talked about last night except that she wanted me to say the word "sandwiches." I think I fell asleep on the phone with her a few times. Sorry Schmoo. I just remember really long pauses in our conversation where I believe I was thinking of things to say, but I wasn't actually saying them. Then she would say something, and I'd get that startled awake feeling. Then my mom called. I don't even remember what she said.

Anyway today I feel better. I'd say I'm at about 80%. The headache is still there, but it's not as bad. My lungs still feel tight, but they're not as bad either. I'm about to eat two PB&Js because I'm starving. Later.

-j-

PS. Many thanks to Johanna, my roommate, who selflessly sat by me for hours in the ER lobby waiting for my name to get called, and who seems to be suffering for it now. Thank you, and I'm sorry.

Godsmack

"I never really get sick. I don't really even remember the last time I got sick." -JP not even a week ago.

I guess I had this coming.

About 1:30am on saturday/sunday, I very quickly came down with what I thought was just an upset stomach, but ended up being an all night pukey dry heaving extravaganza that lasted until 11am sunday morning. I felt sick all day sunday, but I coudln't sleep, and I was really hungry but couldn't keep anything down. Now it's evolved into a massive headache, an overall grogginess, and what can only be described as a "waterlogged" lung feeling, which is slightly concerning. Plus my right arm is killing me, it feels like I slept on it all night.

The good news is that I feel better now. I've gone from 10% to probably 60% now.

I don't have to work until wednesday too, so I have time to recover, which is a big plus.

Anyway, I'm going to watch a movie or something. bye.

-jp

Little Pieces

Lester, I'm just gonna start kicking your ass if you don't tell me the truth. She wasn't killed, now what the hell is going on?

Lost...... interest?

Lost is the bad boyfriend of television.

At first everything was awesome and sweet. We got along great. Then starting with the second season, things went awry. Suddenly there were broken promises in the trailers for the next weeks show. The fate of all the survivors was not revealed in the second episode of the season, but they said it would be. Then the show left for three weeks, inexplicably. Last night, we got straight stood up. They showed a trailer for a new episode last week, and we got a repeat this week. And apparently, there will be no new episode until january. Again, no reason why.

But I'll keep watching. Even though this show is behaving badly, I'll stick with it, because I remember the good times, and deep in my heart, I hope that things will be that again.

But just watch yourself, Lost, because 24 comes back in january as well. If you're still doing me wrong, I'll have no problem leaving you for Jack Bauer and his guarenteed non-stop season.

This may be the post I'm most ashamed of.

-j-

Talent.

Wicked pissah.

Skinny people or fat people.

I've noticed this trend on TV recently where skinny supermodels like Tyra Banks or attractive TV news reporters put on a giant fat suit and walk the streets and observe the cruelity that other people put fat people through with hidden cameras.

How freaking stupid.

It isn't cruelity, Tyra. It's the way normal people treat each other. Someone didn't make eye contact with you? Someone didn't want to sit by you on the bus? People ignored you when you said "good morning?" Welcome to the world of average looking people. No offense, but when you're a stunning supermodel, and you've been drop dead gorgeous your whole life, maybe you don't have an accurate perception of actual human sociological interaction. People always make eye contact with you because you're beautiful, they always want to sit by you on the bus because they get to be closer to the really hot chick, and maybe someone else on the bus will think you're together, everyone says good morning to you because it can start a conversation that can potentially lead to getting your phone number. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Personally, I think the actual screwed up part is how we treat beautiful people.

I think it would be interesting to take an ugly fat girl and somehow put her in a beautiful suit. She'd suddenly notice that people are always staring at her, she's the center of attention, everyone wants to know what she thinks is cool so they can live their lives accordingly, everyone smiles at her, they hold doors for her, she never has to buy herself a drink at the bar again, all the scuzzy guys at said bar are throwing every pick up line they've ever heard at her just to receive an ounce of her attention, a smile, a little giggle, men fight over her, other women are jealous of her, she gets out of speeding tickets just by playfully pouting to the officer, the rules stop applying to her as she becomes some type of royalty.

I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to make Tyra Banks feel guilty for being beautiful, she really can't help it. And any ugly person or average person if given the opportunity would love to be more attractive. It's why we all cram into gyms and get on Atkins. If you're born with it, live it up.

It really is an interesting experiment though to let someone experience the paradigm of another human. I think if we could do that more often, it would solve a lot of problems. If we just look at the world from someone else's point of view, if we walk a mile in another person's shoes, maybe we'd understand each other a little better. Maybe we wouldn't need to yell at a store clerk when their store runs out of beanie babies, because we'd realize that it's really not his fault. Maybe we wouldn't need to make fun of other people in a mean way, because we'd understand that it hurts. Maybe we wouldn't need to go to war with other nations because we realize that they're doing what they think is right. Maybe we wouldn't have terrorism because terrorists would understand that most citizens mean them no harm. Maybe it would just be a better world.

So remember: take care of yourselves -- and each other. :)


-j-