I love L.A.

Q: How cool is it that I can watch the Oscars, and then step out on the porch and see the spotlights from the Kodak Theatre?

A: Very.

Blue screens? Digital Animation? A Jedi craves not these things.

I'm watching The Empire Strikes Back. You know, puppet Yoda looks more real than Digital Yoda. I think it's because he's really there. This movie is so much better than the new two, and the new one... Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, looks possibly kind of cool, but I'm sure it'll be quite stupid.

George Lucas did not direct Empire or Jedi. If he had, I'm sure these movies would be looked upon as we do the Matrix films. The first one was totally sweet, but then making a trilogy was definately going too far, and as a whole, they aren't that cool. Star Wars would be exactly the same if Lucas had directed them all the way he is with the new trilogy. So far, this new trilogy is a mistake. I guess by the third one, we'll know if it was all pointless.

This is probably the nerdiest post ever made.

Some things never change.

Oh hello.

The following is in response by me to a question posted by me. See, once upon a time there were Three Pimps and a Crackwhore. They all studied at WMU and procrastinated by blogging sometimes up to 30 times a day. They would post questions for people to answer, topics of conversations, references to Ryan's latent homosexuality, so on and so forth. I one day posed a question about the description of everyones dream person. You know, like qualities that the others found attractive, or things they would want in a girl/boyfriend. Nothing that if you ever fell in love, you would necessarily hold someone to, but at the time, what it was you wanted. I posed this knowing instantly that Jon would puss out and say "I just want someone who makes me happy" and thus ruin the game, which he, of course, did. Obviously that's what we all want. At least guys do, lots of women tend to flock to guys who make them miserable. (Women are dumb... written just for you KBo). At any rate, I read over this today, and found it still is 100% applicable. This woman, however, may not really exist. The part about her having 17 boobies, and the ability to take me flying like Superman does for Lois Lane... that's hard to come by.

Just kidding.

From "Three Pimps and a Crackwhore" Oct 11, 2001:

My dream chicky is shorter than me, her head comes up to my chin, so that when she hugs me I can put my head on top of hers. She is someone who just fits, ya know? Not like an awkward hugger, but her body fits with mine. She's got eyes like Claire Forlani, and a beautiful smile. She's got long hair, but lot too long. Straight hair. She's funny. Very funny. Fall on the ground rolling funny, but she can be serious when she needs to be. She's smart. Book smart and people smart. She can beat me at chess without me letting her. She's friendly, and gets along really well with my family. She is someone who can go hang out with my mom for an afternoon an have a good time. She's someone who can joke around with my brothers and my dad and make fun of them back, because thats what they always do. She's someone who can sit in silence with me, and we wouldn't feel that awkward need to entertain each other. But we can talk. We can talk for hours without a real point to any of it. She's someone who gets along with my friends, and we can go to a party and not have to stand next to each other the whole night. She's very open, and extroverted. She can make an ass of herself just for a laugh without feeling embarrassed. She's very open-minded too, not somone who is so set in her ways that she is scared to death to try something she has never done. She'll go skydiving, she's daring. She is someone I can trust with my life. She's kind, considerate, and loves playing with little kids. She's strong. Not physically, mentally. She can deal with stress, and hard times, and still smile. She doesn't play mind games. She won't do that girly thing where she says nothing is wrong and proceeds to pout all night, or she won't try to push any jealousy buttons just to push them. She's honest. She'll tell me when something is wrong, realizing that if she doesn't think it's a big deal, I probably won't either. She's someone I can fight with and not worry that she's going to leave me for it. Someone who I will know that even if she doesn't like me at the moment, she still loves me. She does something, something I can support her in. Like plays volleyball, or paints or something. She teaches me. Things I've never known before, things I've never experienced, like art or jazz. And she wants to learn things I can teach her, like hockey. She'll play football with the guys and actually play, not just be the typical girl on the guys team who just says, "I'll just run around." She's someone who could take my moms side in an argument against me, but take my side in an argument against her mom. She likes classic rock, and isn't afraid to sing, even if it's bad. But most importantly she'll be someone who moves me. Someone who thinks of things in way that I never have before. Someone who can make me look at something I've seen my whole life, and actually make me reconsider it. Someone who can change my mind. Someone who gives me confidence, instead of attacking me for not having any. She's someone who inspires me to be better at everything I do. Oh, and she calls me Joseph.

That's not too much to ask for, is it?

-j

Movie Pitches, bitches!

Holy crap, that's brilliant. Thanks Lola. I'm going to send this link to everyone in class.

Get this pitch. We had a guy in class named Chris. He pitched his thesis to us, it went like this.

"It is the days of the ancient future. The age of steel. The queen has not produced an heir. A young knight takes her from the castle, to avoid her execution. The king sends three hunter killers after them."

Now it should be mentioned that I am paraphrasing. Originally the setup included fallen structures and dogs roaming the streets where the rotting corpses lie, or some other crap. Everything I quoted was actually said, but there's stuff I left out, because I forgot how it went. It should also be noted that that is all he had.

So we workshoped the premise a little. Someone asked, "So is it supposed to be like The Princess Bride?" He was almost insulted.

"No," he responded, "There isn't going to be any love story between the two."

"So, why is he saving her?" asked someone else.

"Because he's a noble and loyal kinght to the kingdom." replied Chris.

"But if he was loyal to the kingdom, why not be loyal to the king?" asked the writing instructor.

At this point, Chris sighed heavily as if he were stuck in a room filled with people all too stupid to comprehend his brilliant opus. For you to get this properly, you must understand a little about Chris. Chris was a very loose cannon. He'd come to class sometimes quite coked up. His eight week film was nothing more than some shots of the Day of the Dead parade in LA, and him making out with a girl at the beach. The girl was an actress at NYFA, and he cast himself, which we all found to be a little sketchy, as the movie had basically no point. One time he flipped out at his crew for not helping him produce his semester final. He wigged out saying that it's impossible to produce a film with the short time we had and no help. However, as all of us were a little too frightened to bring up, everyone else in the class had done it. His original semester one pitch consisted of him and his dog in his apartment. No casting needed, no location scouting needed. Just a script.

"So," asked the writing instructor, "do they get away and live happily ever after?"

"Not at all," replied Chris, "The hunter killers catch up to them, and kill the knight, and all take turns raping the queen before beheading her. I want it to be really dark."

"Ok," said the instructor, slightly less befuddled than the rest of us, "There's a producability issue, you're going to need to get gruff looking actors for the Hunter Killers."

"It won't be a problem, I'm casting myself." said Chris.

It was at this point that I realized that Chris was simply using the guise of "director" to get his rocks off, and I came to the conclusion I didn't really want to work with Chris ever again. And I didn't have to, as he was expelled for bringing a live gun to set.

So in conclusion kids, as I know at least two of my readers are actresses, some directors are good, some directors are respectful, some directors are coke headed sex criminals. Rule one, never audition at someone's house, rule two, always be weary of a project in which you are the love interest of the main character played by the writer and director. They aren't always bad, sometimes they're really good. But if it's just a violent sex scene after a violent sex scene, then a breakfast scene followed by a violent sex scene, you're either in a porno, or you're dealing with a pervert who just wants to get some "action."

No pun intended.

-j

Mister body massage machine GO!!

Today we shot the last of our 16mm production workshops, which was a scene from Annie Hall. It was good.

This computer is still empty, and I'm still running Win98, until I get some sort of virus protection software. Then, it will be good.

I just sawww the WPT Celebrity poker tournement. Lavar Burton was playing. He flopped four 7's. It was pretty good.

He sat there like a total badass, slow playing it to total perfection. He tried to look all tough, but all I kept thinking... "Butterfly in the sky... I can fly twice as high..."

Not really a lot to say today. Go figure.

Body massage.

Jee-eye Joe.

It's ALIVE!

But a shell of it's former self.

I got my PC running again. Unfortuately EVERYTHING is gone. Except, awesomely enough, all the episodes of this season of 24, which coupled with Rob and Lola's Wedding DVD, are the only things I had stored on the backup hard drive.

Apparently this virus is called "Sober." This strain of it was released on monday, and it totally decimated my machine that very night. The good news is, the hard drive doesn't seem to be permanently damaged as previously expected. So I still have all the space, now I've also got a ton more free space.

So get your virus software updated. Now. What happened was Explorer crashed unexpectedly a few times, then when I rebooted the system, it couldn't start windows, and then it rebooted, and proceeded to wipe the hard drive clean. Fortunately I had this back up system.

Unfortunately, everything is gone. It's going to be a while before I'm anywhere near where I used to be.

Lame
-j

A great day... for me to poop on.

These last three days have been god awful. Today, though, is winning the gold so far. Let's see. I wake up early, in a fairly decent mood, to find no hot water in the shower. So, showerless, I drive to class, to find that my CD player is malfunctioning. I'm getting over a flu-like illness, which I guess is good. I accidentally left my ID badge in my car, and have to explain to the security lady working the parking lot, who speaks little english, that I left it. She tells me to use the pedestrian entrance to the lot. I tell her I left my badge in my car, and cannot unlock the big freakin' security door that blocks the pedestrian entrance with out it. She still insists I use the pedestrian entrance to the lot. I tell her I don't have my badge. She tells me she understands that. I tell her she obviously doesn't because without the badge I cannot get through the pedestrian entrance. She tells me that people aren't supposed to come through the auto entrance. I tell her I realize that, but without my badge this is the only way to get to my car. She asks where my badge is. I tell her it's in my car. She asks where my car is. I almost punch her at this point. Like I'm trying to get into the parking lot so that I have enough room to fly this big ass kite I've got hidden in my backpack. I calmly tell her that my car is in the parking lot. She says she has to see my badge. At this point, it's almost comical, like an Abbot and Costello routine. I tell her it's in the car, in the parking lot that she's guarding, and I can show it to her on the way out. She asks to see some other ID, I show her my license, and she lets me through. As I'm walking away, she yells out, "Next time use the pedestrian entrance!"

It's actually become one of those days that's so miserable, that I can't help but laugh. My computer is still destroyed. I still feel a little sick.

On another note, have you ever really liked someone, but had to convince yourself that you didn't? Like they already had a boyfriend or girlfriend or something. But everytime you see them, you find something new you really like about them, and so it just makes it that much harder? That sucks.

On a better note, Happy Birthday Erin. I hope your day is going much better than mine.

-j

It's dead, Jim.

My computer has officially flatlined. Time of death: 8:14pm, Tuesday February 22nd.

Whatever infected the harddrive also wiped out everything on it. It's all gone. So if you guys have a copy of Twelve Page Paper, congratulations, it's now officially out of print.

For some reason, I can't get anything to work. I'm trying to reinstall XP, but it can only find the puny drive I'm on. I'm not sure what to do.

I hate the little puny weakling dorks who sit in their parents basement and program these things. To quote Vincent Vega: "It'd have been worth him doing it, if I could've caught him doing it."

So now, if I weren't busy enough, I have to try to clean up this shit.

Laugh now "h4x0r." If I we ever meet, I'm going to hit you with my car.

-j

Familiarity

I was watching Carnivale tonight, (for anyone who gets HBO, this show is totally awesome) and I noticed something. Ben Hawkins, played by Nick Stahl, goes to Damascus to try to find Henry Scudder. He goes into this barn, and into this hotel, and as I'm watching it, I recognize the location they used. It's the Old West set on the backlot of Universal. We shot our production workshops there. Here's a pic from the show. Where all the pigs are is where Dave had two cowboys fight. The Hotel Astoria at the end of the road is where they put all our camera equipment. Here's a pic down the same street that I took that day, from a slightly different angle.

As Napoleon Dynamite would say, "Sweet."

Get Bill Gates in here!!!

Wow, so my computer just crashed. It started off simply enough. Explorer didn't respond. I tried again, and again, and it didn't respond. "Lame," I thought, and so I rebooted the computer. Then suddenly, I get this screen that I've never seen before. It tells me Windows didn't load properly, and it asks if I want to try again, try my old settings or try safe mode. All three of them wait for about two minutes, and then bring me back to the same screen.

"Quite lame," I thought, and then I remembered that John Aitken installed Windows 98 on my old 20Gb hard drive that is in this machine, and so I changed the order in which the drives boot, and now, my friends, I've been transported back seven years into the past. I'm running our old friend Windows 98. Unfortunately as well, the other drives don't boot when I do this, and so I'm running my old PC. All my music, video, games, my TV, my editing software, all completely unreachable.

I did find, however, that I still have my downloaded copies of the Animatrix. I thought I had gotten rid of them long ago.

So hey, lose 400Gb, all my cool stuff, access to my thesis material, and my television, but find my old Animatrix stuff. Every cloud has a silver lining.

"Super lame," thinks Joe.

-j

Only in California...

The rain was insane over the last two days. Freeways and roads were completely flooded. So much so that the 11 o' Clock news showed helicopter shots of people surfing in the streets.

I love this place.

Domo ari gato gozai masu.

Last night I accidentally watched "Shall We Dance," the Richard Gere, J-Lo, ballroom dancing movie. Accidentally, because my roommates were watching "The Ring," and I was waiting for the movie to be over so I could call their cellphone once the credits started. So once that happened, I was assuming that they were going to bed, and I could watch Carnivale. Instead, Jamie was too freaked out, and needed to turn on something a little more light hearted before she fell asleep. And so, they started watching "Shall We Dance," and I sat out there with them waiting for them to go to bed. They went to bed about halfway through, and for some reason, as I remember actually saying out loud in an empty room, I watched the rest of it.

It was the typical lame ending chick flick. Let me explain the film, as I doubt many people who read this site have seen it.

Richard Gere is married to Susan Sarandon. Everyday on an elevated train ride home through Chicago, he sees J-Lo in a window of a dance studio. One day, (the third day) he gets off the train and goes and starts taking dance lessons. Suspicious Susan Sarandon wonders why he's coming home late smelling of J-Lo, and she hires a detective, rather than just asking. Detective finds out he's taking dance lessons, and this potentially interesting narrative conflict is completely averted. Meanwhile, Dick Gere asks J-Lo out for a donut or coffee or something, and she completely wigs out. She tells him that he sholdn't have signed up for the class if all he wanted was her because she is a veil of mystery and inner torture that must dance to forget the angst caused by the loss of her last dancing partner, or some other "all about me" bullshit. Her other partner didn't even die. They were seeing each other, and one day they were dancing and he fell down. Then he decided he could no longer be with her. So anyway, Richard Gere is walking down the street, and his teenage son yells to him and asks him to come to this rap club where Ja Rule is performing to meet this girl he really likes. Now I'm not sure what parallel universe this film has just dipped into, but a teenage kid who brings their Richard Gere father to see Ja Rule on the spur of the moment to meet this girl doesnt' exist. The kid would be hiding his face as the father walks past so that dad doesn't see him and potentially embarrass him in front of this girl he really likes, or so that dad doesn't know that he's going to see Ja Rule on a school night (it is wednesday). So anyway, Richard Gere and this obnoxious blond girl named Bobbi, end up going to this competition, and Susan Sarandon and their young daughter decide to go watch. Throughout the entire thing they're really proud of dad. Until daughter makes her prescence known, and Richard totally bites it and tears of this girls dress. The music stops, and everyone stares... the way the do in nightmares, not in real life. Bobbi runs away, and suddenly Susan Sarandon is all angry with Richard Gere. She's mad because he never told her. Again, she never asked, she just hired a detective, who hit on her a lot, and nothing ever happened, thus avoiding another interesting element of "plot." So then Richard swears off dancing (!) and decides to wash the car. He then sobbingly tells Susan Sarandon that he didn't want her to know he wasn't happy because he thought she'd somehow take it personally. Instead, he lied to her and danced sexily with J-Lo. Smooth. So then, Susan goes to work at a JC Penney. She allows Richard to go say goodbye to J-Lo, who is moving somewhere I guess. Instead, he gets dressed in a tux, buys a rose, and comes up an escalator and dances with Susan Sarandon, right in front of this sub-character who found out her husband was cheating on her and is in the process of going through a very painful divorce. She even starts crying as they dance very happily, showing that women love to rub in how much better they are, even if they like you. So then, they both go to the J-Lo goodbye party. J-Lo dances with Richard Gere, and can be happy again. She goes to a dance competition. Not sure if she won or not, she just went to this competition. The bald co-worker, who I didn't really mention, is happy again. Susan Sarandon learns to dance. Some other guys get married. Some other guy I think becomes gay. I'm not sure about that one. And everyone lives happily ever after.

Lame.

The writing in this movie was terrible. The film itself was cheesy and unbelievable. But then I found something out. Something you may have already known, but I didn't so back off.

This film, in the tradition of "The Ring," (originally called "Ringu") and "The Grudge" (originally called "Ju-On: The Grudge") was a japanese remake (originally called "Shall We Dansu?"). No joke. It came out originally in 1996. And seeing the preview the way they show the previews for the films they just ripped off before the film, you realize it's stolen nearly shot for shot.

What's the deal with this? Is it Hollywood's lack of creativity, or is it the American unwillingness to believe that anything good can exist without it being in english and having blond people in it? "Vanilla Sky" was originally a spanish film called "Abre Los Ojos" (Open Your Eyes) and in BOTH versions Penelope Cruz played Sofia.

I'm waiting for the American versions of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and Amelie, (called "Grazing Cattle, Flying Unicorns" and "Amy Lee" respectively.)

-j

An Acceptable Degree of Unreasonability

I'm watching Donnie Darko again, this time with the audio commentary. So I start it up and there's Richard Kelly, writer and director of the film... and then there's Kevin Smith.

First of all that's pretty cool. Second, it's pretty confusing, as he had absolutely NOTHING to do with Donnie Darko.

He's got a lot of great things to say.

-j

Quickly my precious.

Okay, so here's a quick update on the last couple of days.

My production workshop scene was... well... interesting. First of all, something went terribly terribly wrong. I have no idea what happened, but I told everyone to meet at the school at 7:45, and everyone was on time, except me. Somehow I shut off my alarm, or it never went off, or something, but I didn't wake up until my AD called me at 8:15. I got to the school at 8:45, an entire hour late. Seriously, the most irresponsible and lame thing I've ever done. I apologized profusely to everyone, and we checked out equipment. The fun part of it was that since we shot exteriors, we didn't need lights, so check out was really fast. So fast that when we got to location, we were back on schedule. God I was so pissed at myself. I think more than anyone else was pissed at me. The whole day I was off too. I hit my head on my car getting into it. Now, you can entirely see how this is possible, as it's a near miss everytime you get in. But it never really happens. Then I walked into a glass door. Just like in Tommy Boy. Only I didn't say "Holy Schnikes." On the plus side, after being an hour late to my own set, I got the scene shot and wrapped five hours earlier than I was scheduled to. Five whole hours. So I took everyone out for lunch. I know, like I'm not Mr. Moneybags, but I owed it to them for making them wait. I need to be on their good side for the thesis. I think it worked.

Today I have a casting session at the school from 11-5. Should be fun. This film is so organized. It's a far cry from Twelve Page Paper. Although, I had that organized alright. I got that whiteboard and the corkboard, and I wrote things on it, as well as posted things. I'm definately boosting my m4d 0r94n124710n4l 5k1llz with this project. Which is good. I needed to.

It rained insanely last night. Thunder was so loud peoples car alarms were going off. I left my window open last night so I could hear the rain while I was falling asleep. So nice.

My room is clean, my laundry is done. It's turning out to be a good weekend.

Also Curtis is supposed to be coming down in the next couple of days. I'm excited about that. It'll be cool to see him again.

Okay (origin: O.K.; an ironical spelling of "all correct" as "oll korrect," ironical because neither the O nor the K were actually correct. Circa 1859) I should get going now. Maybe I can get some breakfast before the auditions.

-j

28:06:42:12

I got the Donnie Darko Directors Cut, and I still don't care what certain naysaysers (namely Jon Kameya) say, this movie is f'n brilliant. Not only in it's really bizarre and unique and quite trippy storyline, but in it's visual style. Richard Kelly, a student from USC directed this when he was my age. How badass do you have to be to be a 24 year old director and get Jake and Magie Gyllenhall, Drew Barrymore, Patrick Swayze, and Noah Wyle to be in your film. Not only that, to get Drew Barrymore to finance it. Why? Because it's freakin' awesome. And by freakin' awesome, I mean totally sweet.

Tomorrow, techincally today, technically in seven hours, I start a 16mm directors practicum, that I litterally couldn't care less about. We're filming a scene from Swingers. Totally cool movie. I'm shooting the scene where Trent and Mike meet Lisa and her friend, the Dorothy. Okay scene, kind of funny. But seriously, if I have time, I'm going to get them to do the "You're the bear and you've got these big fucking claws and these fangs and you can't figure out how to kill the bunny..." scene. That's my favorite. Very close with the "Our baby's all grows up" scene at the end of the film.

At any rate, I should probably get to bed. Goodnight folks.

-j

Words are very unnecessary.

Today I'm sick. I've had a nasal thing for the last few days, and it's developed into a throat thing. Now I can't stop coughing. I'm also heavily medicated.

My thesis casting notice posted online today. Already for the "damsel in distress" role, I've gotten 105 headshots. Every one of these girls is at least an 8.5, which is one of the coolest parts of southern california. The hottest 1% from all around the country migrate here.

The "Donnie Darko: Directors Cut" comes out today. I've had it reserved since last november.

Last night I played NCAA Football 2004 for Gamecube, and played the famed Michigan v. Michigan State rivalry. MSU went 3 and out everytime, and never even completed a single pass until there was three minutes left in the 4th quarter. Then they became madmen, completeing long bomb passes, recovering onside kicks, causing me to fumble. In the last three minutes they scored 17 points. I still won 24-17, but it definately got tense at the end.

As you can tell, there is no real point to this post.

-j

I wish I was special... but I'm a creep...

[WARNING: SINGLE GUY ON VALENTINE'S DAY POST AHEAD. PROCEED WITH CAUTION]

I hate Valentine's Day. I went through a depressing spot in my life (spot = two years) where all I did was bitch about not having a girlfriend on my blog, and to my friends, and to bartenders, and strangers on the bus, and goldfish, and anyone that would listen. Since then, I've gotten a lot better. I'm over it and it's not something I think about that often. I have friends who are married, and I'm happy for them. Everything is all good.

Today marks the 5th straight year I've not had a date on Valentine's Day. The last date I had on Feb 14, was in 1999, just over a week after I started dating Laura Barb. Everyone's buying flowers and going on dates and to dinner and to movies and having a great time with someone it seems, and I'm going to sit at home all night and watch 24, then flip over to Raw, then flip over to the Daily Show. My dates tonight are Jack Bauer, Triple H, and Jon Stewart. Lame, my friends, lame.

Now it's not so much Valentine's Day, as it is remembering how long I've been single. I dated Jackie for like a month and change before she left for christmas, she came back a few weeks later, and we broke up. With the exception of what ended up being a short relationship, I've not had a girlfriend in five years. That's the part that's getting me. For a while it was like putting on weight. A pound or two every week, you don't really notice, but then one day you wake up and realize you're like 350lbs. That's how this feels. I'm not 350lbs.

This isn't like a "pity me" post, it's more just me typing out what is in my head. Just recently this realization has popped into my head, and today especially, I was really f*#kin' depressed. I'm not fishing for compliments or anything, so a bunch of comments saying "But you are really funny and nice, and someday a girl will see that," or "There's someone out there, and all the other ones were just not meant to be," or "You are the hottest guy in the world, and I'd give my left arm for one night with you," aren't really necessary.

All this seems to be magnified by the fact that there's someone I know that I'm terribly interested in, that is not really interested in me. I see this girl a lot too, in fact, she's the one I was dreaming about. I find myself getting terribly jealous, which admittedly is completely ridiculous. Even as I feel jealous, I realize it's ridiculous. I just feel like I'm being overlooked, passed off. I feel like once again, there's this girl that I'm very attracted to, and I'm forced to be her friend and hear about (or in some cases, see) her happy relationship with someone else. The best though is whe I get in those positions where they ask ME for advice on their lovelife. And I always help, and from then on I get the feeling that the misery I feel at watching her relationship work out is now entirely my own fault. Which I guess it always is anyway.

I guess I'm just down because it's been so long, and on days like today, I feel very alone. Especially out here, where I don't know anyone. It seems most my friends are married or engaged or at least spending today with someone they love. My roommates just recently got engaged, so they're all lovey-dovey today, getting flowers and going out and stuff. It's just everywhere today.

I try not to bitch about this stuff. I really do, believe it or not. I just feel so alone sometimes.

Happy Valentine's Day.
<3 -j

Addendum: After writing this, I went back to check what I posted last Valentine's Day... and the one before that... and the one before that. There's a post, just like this one, within a week of Valentine's day every year. Check out the archives. It's comical, in a depressing sort of way.

F**K THIS GAME!

To all my Michigan friends.

If you guys aren't doing anything thursday night, the 17th, I HIGHLY suggest yous guys make your way to East Lansing to see the greatest comedian ever, Dane Cook, play at Michigan State. I promise you, you will not be disappointed.

-j

You Lose... Fatality.

Alright, since the song lyrics game has ended, here are the ones you didn't get, in case you care.

2.) Pearl Jam - Cropduster
3.) Evanescence - Going Under
5.) R.E.M. - Bittersweet Me
8.) Nine Inch Nails - Suck
9.) No Doubt - Staring Problem
13.) Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Red Right Hand
15.) Pearl Jam - Last Exit
17.) Live - Stage
19.) ivet - Grind Rod
20.) B.B. King - Too Good To You Baby
22.) U2 - Mofo
23.) Pearl Jam - Thumbing My Way
24.) Nirvana - Dive
25.) Bruce Springsteen - Jersey Girl

My mom is totally cool.

"I'm hip. I'm jiggy. Bee--atch. I know that doesn't apply, but Jon Stewart says it a lot, so hey." -joe's mom.

Darkness Falls Across The Land
The Midnight Hour Is Close At Hand
Creatures Crawl In Search Of Blood
To Terrorize Y'all's Neighborhood
And Whosoever Shall Be Found
Without The Soul For Getting Down
Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Hell
And Rot Inside A Corpse's Shell
The Foulest Stench Is In The Air
The Funk Of Forty Thousand Years
And Grizzy Ghouls From Every Tomb
Are Closing In To Seal Your Doom
And Though You Fight To Stay Alive
Your Body Starts To Shiver
For No Mere Mortal Can Resist
The Evil Of The Thriller

I've been having terrible dreams lately. Nothing gory or bloody or sick or anything. But for the last three days in a row, I've dreamt about this girl I used to like and sort of still do, making out with other guys in front of me. She always knows I'm there too, she's just ignoring me. I wake up, and like the image is just burned into my mind. So for like the rest of the day I'm just angry.

Anyway... Happy Birthday, Laura Barb.

Good morning, Conan.

Wow, am I in a weird place right now. I have class from 10am until 8pm, and I woke up at 1. 1am. I think I fell asleep around 7pm. So that's only six hours for a nights sleep which is not long enough, however, that could also be considered a six hour nap. Meaning I don't know if I should go back to bed. I mean if I don't have to wake up until 8:30... that's a lot of sleep.

I had a dream that I was throwing a party at my granparents old house... wait that's not how it started. First I was playing a game with a few friends and they were trying to destroy my rug. I had a doormat, and for some reason they were trying to destroy it with cars. And the more they smashed up their cars and not the rug, the more I was winning. So we were all driving on the freeway and suddenly a car would spin around and come flying at me. (Think "Twisted Metal") I won the game by throwing the mat under an overpass, thus putting it out of harms way until time expired. (I don't really get it either) Then some LAPD officer stopped us. He concluded that there was nothing wrong with our game (driving on the wrong side of the road, smashing public and private proberty, wreckless endangerment... but all for fun) partially because I invited him and his wife to this party at my grandmothers old house.

So the cop and his wife show up at the party, I guess I wan't really expecting them to, and I instantly get nervous, because I'm sure I'm supplying alcohol to minors. There's a ton of the NYFA actors there, and I'm sure some have got to be underage. But he seems to be in "off-duty" mode. Then my friend Brea takes a drink out of his beer. Brea I know is only 19. So I grab her and bring her downstairs. I tell her the guy is a cop, and suddenly the cop comes downstairs. So I go to the wine cellar in the basement, pretending that that's why I came down. And in my dream, Grandpa's wine cellar also has beer on tap. Which is cool. So I get a glass of some beer I've never heard of before, and it tastes like an apple cider. It's some apple cider beer. Really good. I offer some to the cop and he says he's okay, he just wants to get changed and then he'll take off. This is terrific news as his prescence only makes me nervous.

I show him to the bedroom in the basement, which I believe all my grandparents kids at one time called theirs. Then Brent and Jordan are there. Jordan really wants to go to bed, and that's apparently now HIS bedroom. So I tell him that the cop is in there getting changed, and that he'll be out in a minute.

Well the cop wasn't out in a minute. He was in there for hours. In fact he was in there with his wife for hours. I knocked on the door, nothing. Eventually I guess Jordan just creeped in, and they were asleep, so he fell asleep too.

So the cop wakes up to Jordan sleeping next to his wife. And he flips out. I try to calm him down, saying it was his room and that he didn't know anyone was in there. The cop gets out of bed and proceeds to go into full "dick cop at the party" mode. Fortunately most everyone had left. He checks ID's, asks if this is my house, gives me a few smartass "your grandmothers house?" comments, asks who paid for the beer. Somehow, he's got nothing on me though. And so he leaves in this Jeep thing he has parked in the garage. His wife leaves shortly thereafter in the same tyoe of vehicle, but Jordan is in the car with her. Jordan seems still very sleepy and confused, and he says that she's taking him to get a stereo. Brent and I convince him to get out of the car.

Then the grandparents come back. They say something about Ed and Stacy getting rid of a bunch of their old movies, and we could probably have some if we asked. I decline because I smell gas. Then I notice the giant propane tank in the garage that's making this guys cigarette pop and spark everytime he's by it. He's showing it off like it's the coolest thing in the world.

I yell at him for being retarded, and I get over there quickly and tell everyone to stay out of the garage. And somehow in trying to tighten this valve on the tank, I managed to get stuck between the tank and some protective bars to stop the cars in the garage from rolling into the tank. I find a shelf that is part of the ceiling, and use it for leverage to escape. It works and I get free. My grandma wasn't happy that I pulled on the shelf that way. Then I woke up.

Yeah, the last part of my dream was kind of a "Ryan Story" wasn't it.

Now it's 1:30 am. I think I'll watch TV for a bit and try to go back to bed. Maybe I'll wake up at like 4am. WAY too early for having class at 10. Oh well.

Later
-j

Dear Bush Administration,

Look at what you've done to this country. Perhaps scaring the hell out of everyone everyday is not the best route to go.

Love,
Joseph

As the site is being reworked currently, use this link. This is still a little rough, I still need to tweak the audio, but since some people... we'll say "J. Kameya"... no that's too obvious, how about "Jon K." have been anxious to see this, here it is.

Enjoy.

Rain. (57Mb - 11:34)

-j

Jo suggested a game where I take Winamp, put it on random, and write my favorite lines from the first 25 songs, and then mark them off as people guess them. So I'll do that now. However I doubt mine will be at all as challenging as hers. As people get them right, I'll mark them.

UPDATE I'VE PUT UP CLUES YOU CAN LISTEN TO IF YOU'RE REALLY STUCK. IF YOU'RE EVEN STUCKER, THE MUSIC FILES STILL HAVE THE ALBUM NAME IN THE PROPERTIES SECTION.

Without further delay....

1.) It's 1:30 in the morning, but that's alright by me / when she's just waiting by the phone / I should give a little warning / but I need the things I need... (Counting Crows - Why Should You Come When I Call?) -- Laura Winther

2.) Black green to green dark green brown every life is falling down / brown to black it's coming back.... [Listen]

3.) Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself / maybe I'll wake up for once / not tormented daily defeated by you / just when I thought I'd reached the bottom I'm dying again. [Listen]

4.) He'll be pink / and quite clean / he'll be a strong man / oh honey but the wrong man... (Richard O'Brein [from The Rocky Horror Picture Show] - I Can Make You A Man) -- Unkempt

5.) 'You're so bitter' your complaint / I can't get you anything / I don't know who you're living for / I don't know you at all anymore [Listen]

6.) Don't need a helmet / got a hard hard head / don't need a rain coat I'm already wet / don't need a bandage / there's too much blood / after a while seem to roll right off (Pearl Jam - Whipping) -- Laura Winther

7.) You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me / You're kind of my protege and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me / I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian / I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it (Alanis Morrisette - Hands Clean) --Jon Kameya

8.) I bow my head to confess / The temple walls are made of flesh / Runs up my arms 'til I'm on track / Itches my skin right off of my back / I'll heal your wounds I'll set you free / I'm Jesus Christ on Ecstacy [Listen]

9.) I can't stop staring / With my envy I steal glances / Resentful fault finder / This peek-a-boo's become a problem / Predisposed cat fighter [Listen]

10.) Georgie went to New York town / where he quickly settled down / and soon became the toast of the great white way / accepted by Manhattan's elite / in all the places that were chic / no party was complete without George (Rod Stewart - The Killing of Georgie) -- Éowyn Mishawn

11.) Brother's back at home / With his beatles and his stones /We never got if off on that revolution stuff / It was such a drag / Too many snags / Well I drunk a lot of wine / And I'm feeling fine / Gonna race some cat to bed / Is there concrete all around / Or is it in my head (Mott The Hoople - All The Young Dudes) -- Jean Parcell

12.) grey is my favorite color / i felt so symbolic yesterday / if I knew picasso / I'd buy myself a grey guitar and play (Counting Crows - Mr. Jones) -- Jon Kameya

13.) he's a god / he's a man / he's a ghost / he's a guru [Listen]

14.) I feel stupid but it's something that comes and goes / I've been changin' - think it's funny how now one knows (Matchbox Twenty - Mad Season) -- Éowyn Mishawn

15.) Let the sun shine burn way my mask. / Three days and maybe longer. Won't ever find me here. / Let the ocean dissolve way my past. / Four days and not much longer. / Let my spirit pass. [Listen]

16.) And all my armor falling down, in a pile at my feet / And my winter giving way to warm, as I'm singing him to sleep (Fiona Apple - Pale September) -- Marcy Bross

17.) I wanna feel / I wanna try / I wanna rock in the city tonight / I wanna deal / don't wanna die / I wanna bring my Cpt. Hook into the light [Listen]

18.) there's a monster / living under my bed / whispering in my ear / there's an angel / with her hand on my head / she says I got nothing to fear (Santana w/ Everlast - Put Your Lights On)-- Unkempt

19.) this plane is definately going to crash / this boat is obviously sinking [Listen]

20.) Oh, your eyes is wide open, baby / but your traveling down the wrong road / a wine drinkin' and a cheatin' woman / is one thing I can't afford [Listen]

21.) you can laugh your spineless laugh / we hope your rules and wisdom choke you / now we are one in everlasting peace / we hope that you choke (Radiohead - Exit Music (For A Film)) -- Marcy Bross

22.) looking for the sound that's gonna drown out the world / looking for the father of my two little girls / got the swing got the sway got the straw in lemonade [Listen]

23.) i let go of the rope thinking that's what held me back / and in time I've realized it's now wrapped around my neck / I can't see what's next on this lonely overpass / hang my head and count my steps as another car goes past [Listen]

24.) Kiss this, kiss that, yeah / Let alone, i'll signal / At least, at least, yeah / You could be my hero / Pick me, pick me, yeah / Everyone is waiting / Hit me, hit me, yeah / I'm real good at hating [Listen]

25.) I got no time for the corner boys / down in the street making all that noise / or the girls out on the avenue / cuz tonight I want to be with you [Listen]

\\goodluck

-j